On the show, we discussed my own history of depression and post traumatic stress, from a very early age. I shared my own definition of “depression” as being “grief for the loss of a part of ourselves.”  We discussed how this definition opens up the door to dive into the pain deeply, and to honour and acknowledge our grief completely. We discussed how depression is actually a gift from the Universe to tell us that something needs our attention, and that it is ultimately an invitation for us to come back to who we truly are.

I also shared my experience with post traumatic stress, and how it can sometimes trigger depression. But, I explained, the two are quite different. While depression is an expression of grief and loss, trauma is an expression of fear. When we are afraid, it is common to respond in either a passive or aggressive fashion, whereas grief can manifest in quite different ways. I called upon listeners in the audience who believe they are going through depression to examine whether they are feeling grief or fear (or both), because sometimes there is a trauma that needs to be acknowledged and addressed.

At the end of the show, I shared my own personal message about reaching a place within ourselves where we can take a metaview of our lives, and see all of these circumstances and the emotions which arise from them as part of the greater “hero’s story” of our lives.

After the call was over, Marifran wrote to me to tell me that several listeners on the show had written to her responding strongly to the content of the show. Marifran sent me these written responses she received from listeners who suffered with depression at some point in their lives:

“I liked the definition of grieving over loss of self so we can feel the emotion.
You have to find out who the self is that you lost.” – CG

“I resonate to Lynn’s words that depression is there to get your attention.
It does not mean something about you.” – NB

“I was enthralled.”

“I am ecstatic with sheer joy and happy tears.”

“This idea of being given permission to grieve is so powerful.
Like Lynn I believe we are in a chronically undergrieved society.” – JS

“Lynn’s description of her experience is my experience.
I was so excited and grateful to hear what I’ve known expressed so clearly and directly.” – SJ

Needless to say, I was moved by the response.

Because the things discussed on this show proved to be so powerful, and this message is so important, I wanted to share it with you. You can hear the full 1-hour interview on the player below:

If you are receiving this post via email,
and cannot see the player, you many listen to it online at:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marifran/2010/07/27/the-spiritual-journey-of-depression

Be sure to check out Marifran’s show on August 10, 2010,
when she is interviewing Vrinda Pendred about the journey of OCD.

AND… don’t forget to tune in to my own show,
“Lynn Serafinn’s Garden of the Soul”
Wednesdays at 6PM UK/ 1PM Easternon BlogTalkRadio

http://blogtalkradio.com/Lynn-Serafinn

About Lynn Serafinn

Lynn Serafinn is a an award-winning transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host and bestselling author of the book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. She also works as a campaign manager for mind-body-spirit authors and has produced two #1-selling book campaigns, and another #2-selling campaign, in just the past few months. She is also the creator of Spirit Authors, which offers training, coaching, business-building and inspiration for mind-body-spirit authors, whether established or aspiring. To contact Lynn for coaching, campaign management or media appearances, please fill in the form at http://spiritauthors.com/contact.

This year, the 15th Annual One World Summer Festival is coming to Great Malvern, England August 9th – 15th, 2010. I will again be teaching at this wonderful event, offering daily mini-workshops “Becoming the Hero of Your Own Life”, “The Garden of the Soul” and “Spiritual Marketing.”

The festival will also be held in Tuscany during the first week of September, but apparently the Italian festival is already sold out! (but I WILL be there!… how lucky am I?). That just shows how popular this event is.

Over the past 15 years, thousands of people have benefited in body, mind and spirit from coming to One World, but THIS YEAR, we are giving everyone a taste of this fabulous festival right from the comfort of your own home at a unique event called…

The One World VIRTUAL Festival
Tues June 29, Wed June 30, Thurs July 1
TIME: 8pm-9.30pm UK time / 3.00pm – 4.30pm Eastern
ADMISSION: FR*EE!

A mini-fest of FR*EE online classes in holistic health, spirituality and overall wellbeing by NINE internationally acclaimed experts

Simulcast! Take your pick:
Listen via webcast OR telephone conference line

To register for your fr*ee VIP pass, go to:
http://oneworldcamp.com/01-pages/virtual-festival-2010.html

If you cannot make the live calls, register anyway
so you can download the audio and listen any time you want.

Over 3 evenings, you can enjoy enlightening classes from 9 of the dozens of inspiring teachers appearing at the British festival this year.

Here’s the line up:

*** VIRTUAL FESTIVAL DAY 1 ***

DATE: Tuesday, June 29th
TIME: 8pm-9.30pm UK time / 3.00pm – 4.30pm Eastern

DAY 1 GUESTS:
1) Christian Kyriacou RIBA MCSD – Ki Architect and House Whisperer. Christian will be talking about the Ki Signature of buildings, House Whispering, Feng Shui, Vastu and Geomancy.
2) Zascha Brésilley – Spiritual Teacher. Zascha will be talking about increasing our “Spiritual Footprint” in the world.
3) Steven Acuff – Nutritional consultant and therapist, author, teacher. Steven will give an introduction to healing with food, including acid/alkaline balance, and other vital information.

*** VIRTUAL FESTIVAL DAY 2 ***

DATE: Wednesday, June 30th
TIME: 8pm-9.30pm UK time / 3.00pm – 4.30pm Eastern

DAY 2 GUESTS:
1) Simon Brown – teacher, consultant, healer, therapist. Simon will be taking you on an introductory exploration into macrobiotics, feng shui, face reading, chi, healing and wabi sabi.
2) Maria Gillott – Macrobiotic Coach, co-founder of the One World Summer Festivals. Maria will give a sneak peek into the Macrobiotic cooking workshops she delivers for parents, showing how to cook for children through the various stages of childhood.
3) Lynn Serafinn – coach, author, radio host, spiritual marketing consultant. Lynn will talk about becoming the hero of your own life, the four Principles from her book The Garden of the Soul, and a new paradigm for spiritually-focussed businesses.

*** VIRTUAL FESTIVAL DAY 3 ***

DATE: Thursday, July 1st
TIME: 8pm-9.30pm UK time / 3.00pm – 4.30pm Eastern

DAY 3 GUESTS:
1) Julie G. Silver – Nutritional Therapist, Natural Health & Stress Management Consultant. Julie will be talking about “Nutrition for the Now”, and how to cultivate your intuitive, spiritual connection to nutrition.
2) Verne Varona – Author, film director, nutritional consultant and researcher. Verne will introduce you to the art of self diagnosis and disease reversal.
3) Samantha Terry – Acupuncturist, Aromatherapist, Chinese medicine practitioner. Sam will talk about understanding your health from a holistic perspective, and the art of vibrational healing.

YOUR HOSTS THROUGHOUT VIRTUAL FESTIVAL
Lynn Serafinn – coach, author, radio host, spiritual marketing consultant
Kyle Nash – One World Festival Promotion Team

There will also be a bit of time on each broadcast to ask questions, both over the phone OR via the webcast.

I hope you will join us for this unique 3-day online happening.
To book your place for One World Virtual Festival, go to:
http://oneworldcamp.com/01-pages/virtual-festival-2010.html

Warm wishes,
Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC
Transformation Coach, Book Promotion Coach, Author, radio host

About Lynn Serafinn, Creator of Spirit Authors

Lynn Serafinn is a transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host and bestselling author of the book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. She also works as a campaign manager for mind-body-spirit authors and has produced two #1-selling book campaigns, and another #2-selling campaign, in just the past 4 months. She created Spirit Authors to offer training, coaching, business-building and inspiration for mind-body-spirit authors, whether established or aspiring. She’s also in Round 2 of the Next Top Spiritual Author contest! To check out Lynn’s video entry, brand new book proposal and read 80 pages from her book The Garden of the Soul, go to http://www.NextTopAuthor.com/?aid=2016. A free gift awaits you when you cast your vote.

That’s what I imagine it will feel like to the lucky person who wins a wonderful contest being offered by coach Patrick Ryan, author of the upcoming book Awakened Wisdom: a Guide to Reclaiming Your Brilliance, which is coming to Amazon on Tuesday April 20, 2010.

As part of the celebration of the launch of the book, Patrick is giving away a $3000 “Awakened Wisdom Experience” (AWE) to one person. The AWE-some Grand Prize includes 4 private 1-to-1 personal coaching sessions with Patrick, a personally signed copy of the book Awakened Wisdom AND 2 free VIP passes to attend his 3-day Awakened Wisdom Workshop anywhere in the world.

Patrick is a world renowned executive coach, leadership trainer and spiritual teacher. For more than three decades, he has studied and practiced the way of an awakened life with spiritual masters and indigenous teachers all over the planet, and even served as a Buddhist monk in a monastery in Burma. His depth of spiritual knowledge, combined with his natural, down-to-earth personality, make him both a powerful and accessible coach and teacher.

Anyone who receives this exceptional prize should ready for a complete “inner beauty” makeover. And remember: there are TWO free passes to the Awakened Wisdom workshop, which means you can share this gift with a friend or loved one.

To enter the AWE contest, you only need to answer one question:

“What will you give the world when you reclaim your brilliance?”

A great question, don’t you think?

To enter, you must submit your answer to this question BEFORE April 9^th. To get started, go to: http://www.awakenedwisdom.com/Public/Amazon/booklaunch/index.cfm

To qualify, you will be asked to sign up for a “launch reminder” for Patrick’s book, Awakened Wisdom first. As soon as you’ve done that, you’ll be taken to a page with a link to the contest entry page.

A list of semi-finalists will be announced on April 12^th. The Grand Prize winner will be decided by public vote (so be sure to get your friends and family on board to support you!).

And…

Even if you don’t want to enter the contest, do please check out Patrick’s book Awakened Wisdom: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Brilliance on that same page. If you scroll down on that page, you’ll see that dozens of authors, coaches, entrepreneurs and spiritual teachers have come together to celebrate the launch of this profound and practical book, by giving away over 40 very special gifts to anyone who buys the book on April 20. And I am one of them!

To everyone who buys Patrick’s book, I will be giving away FOUR free audio meditations from my Garden of the Soul Workshop. These are very special meditations I have never offered before anywhere, unless you happen to have taken my workshop. I hope you’ll like them.

Best of luck to all of you who enter the contest. Please keep me posted if you win, so I can announce it in my upcoming newsletter. I’d also love to hear your answers to this great question!

Warm wishes,
Lynn Serafinn

My Twitter asteroids:
http://twitter.com/LynnSerafinn
http://twitter.com/SpiritAuthors

My Facebook galaxies:
http://facebook.com/LynnSerafinn
http://facebook.com/VoteLynnSerafinnNextTopSpiritualAuthor
http://facebook.com/SpiritAuthors
http://facebook.com/gardenofthesoul

The grand prize is a book contract from Hampton Roads Publishing, one of the top Body-Mind-Spirit publishers in the world, along with a promotional package worth over $50,000.

There are 3 rounds of voting. The first round starts MONDAY March 29, 2010, and ends May 3, 2010. I could REALLY use your vote to help me advance to Round 2.

Here’s the video I made for my contest entry. I poured my heart and soul into it! If you cannot see it on your screen, view it on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8P92UVYwCQ.

If you think The Garden of the Soul deserves to go to a wider audience, please help me by:

1) Watching this video to help you decide whether you think I deserve the prize AND THEN
2) Voting for me at http://tinyurl.com/TopAuthorLynn between March 29 – May 3rd.
3) Help yourself to a THANK YOU GIFT on that page (it’s a collection of audio excerpts from my book)
4) SHARE the page via Twitter or Facebook (you’ll see the buttons right there on the page).

And there is NO pressure to choose only one author to win this contest! There are hundreds of great authors for you to consider, and you can vote for as many authors as you like (but you can only vote ONCE for each author per round).

I you can help me advance to Round 2 of this exciting competition, I will be EXTREMELY grateful!

My motivation is fuelled by your encouragement and comments. I’d love to hear what you have to say about the video, my book and whatever else, in the comments box below (if you are reading this in your email inbox, click HERE to leave a comment).

Thank you everyone!

Presenting an exciting NEW concept on the Internet, combining coaching, learning, community and business-building in a creative, spirit-based environment…

SPIRIT AUTHORS GRAND OPENING

Register for free at: http://spiritauthors.com/pages/grand-opening.html

Spirit Authors (www.spiritauthors.com) is an innovative new membership site where established, new and aspiring authors in the mind-body-spirit genre can find everything and everyone they need to make their publication a success. Founded by bestselling author and award-winner teacher and coach, Lynn Serafinn, Spirit Authors provides learning, support and professional resources to mind-body-spirit authors, whether you are just starting out, or are already successfully published.

Won’t you please join us for our Grand Opening Celebration?

• Monday 22 February through Friday 26 February (one webcast per day), from 3pm Eastern (8pm UK)
• FIVE unique broadcasts on different topics including writing, publishing and marketing your book and beyond
• FREE to attend; FREE to listen (via webcast)
• A superb VIP panel of 18 spirit-based industry professionals, all leaders in their fields
• Panellists include top-selling mind-body-spirit authors, editors, marketing specialists, translators, literary agents, publishers and basically wonderful people.

On the broadcasts, you will…

• Hear the experiences and insights of 18 leading mind-body-spirit publishing professionals
• Learn lots of new things about spirit-based writing, publishing and promotion
• Have the opportunity to direct questions to the VIP panel via our webcast
• Find out how you can “Test Drive” Spirit Authors Virtual Coaching and Learning Experience for only $1
• Receive some great free gifts just for checking it out.

Can’t make it to the live broadcasts?

No problem! Register for the webcasts you want, and you will receive a link to download the MP3 after the event. But don’t leave it too long before you listen to them… we’ll be giving away some freebies that will be available only during the week of the Grand Opening launch.

Who are our VIPs?

• HOST: Lynn Serafinn, bestselling author, book promotion coach
• CO-HOST: Shelagh Jones, Spiritus Spiritual Marketing Directory
• Alan Seale, author, transformation coach
• Allison Maslan, number-1 selling author, homeopath, life strategy coach
• Caron Goode, award-winning author
• Dana Lynn Smith, The Savvy Book Marketer
• Daya Devi Doolin, award-winning author, spiritual counsellor
• Laurel Marshfield, editor, ghostwriter, proofreader
• Marion Ross, number-1 selling author and psychologist
• Richard Fitt, Authors Online, publisher for self-publishing authors
• Shannon Arnold Jackson, spirit-based writing coach
• Shelley Lieber, The Wordy Woman, Publishing Maven
• Stephanie Gunning, the Get a Book Deal Coach
• Tony Eldridge, Marketing Tips for Authors
• William Bloom, world-renowned spirituality author and speaker
• William Gladstone, author, top literary agent for leading mind-body-spirit authors
• Yvonne Perry, author, book marketing specialist
• One additional guest to be confirmed

CLICK HERE TO READ ALL ABOUT THE LINE UP AND REGISTER FOR FREEl

Yesterday I told you all about the launch of the book Blast Off! by my good friend and client, and fellow Spirit Author, Allison Maslan.

Well I am pleased to announce that her book came out early this morning and has already been dancing around the top 25 list in “Entrepreneurship” category all morning here in the UK, reaching as high as number 14 so far. I find myself smiling as I see her title on the same list as Michael Gerber’s classic E-Myth Revisited, Gary Vaynerchuk’s recent smash hit Crush It, and several books by UK “Dragons Den” icons, Peter Jones, Theo Paphitis and Duncan Bannatyne. She’s even been AHEAD of several of the “Dragons” over the past couple of hours… giving them a real run for their money… a lot of fun to watch, actually.

Now what’s so great about this is that Allison’s book is a radical shift from many other entrepreneurial approaches. She takes a spirit-based approach, where she helps you connect with your passions, and she actually gives you a step-by-step method to work towards anything from building an entrepreneurial enterprise, to finding a soul mate.

But what I like best about Allison as a person, and a writer, is that she keeps it “real.” She doesn’t talk “over your head” when it comes to talking about business, like so many other books I have read. As a coach and a homeopath, she speaks to you like a real person because her first interest and sole focus (or soul focus?) is people.

If you haven’t yet picked up your copy of Allison’s book, try to do so before the end of the day because when you do, you’ll also be able to pick up 20 great bonus gifts from some of the nicest mind-body-spirit and business professionals on the planet. I’m giving away over 1 hour of free audio book excerpts to help celebrate with her.

To find out how to get the book and the gifts, just visit http://myblastoff.com/booklaunch.

What a great start to have her be in the top 20 in the UK, right from the starting gate. I can’t wait to see how far Blast Off will go, especially when readers in the US start buying the book later today.

This is why I LOVE being a book promotion coach!

Enjoy the rest of your day,
Lynn Serafinn
Author, transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host
Author of mind-body-spirit bestseller The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self

http://lynnserafinn.com
http://spiritauthors.com
http://create-a-life.co.uk

To honour the coming of the new decade, I decided to set some intentions. To keep me focussed and balanced, I decided to use the four principles of “Give, Receive, Become and Be” from my book The Garden of the Soul as a foundation for those intentions. I’d like to share them with you here.

My intention for the Principle of Giving

I have learned that true “Giving” means to listen deeply to people’s hearts and give them what they truly want, rather than imposing what my ego tells me what I think they need. This decade, I make the intention to give to everyone I meet, from my heart to theirs.

My intention for the Principle of Receiving

I have learned that true “Receiving” means to open my eyes and ears to become aware of the boundless gifts being sent to me at every moment of my life. This decade, I make the intention to allow myself to receive, with wonder, joy and gratitude, all the Universe offers me.

My intention for the Principle of Becoming

I have learned that we cannot “Become” or grow unless we let go of old ways of thinking that do not serve us and keep us stuck in a treadmill. This decade, I make the intention to let go of old stories I have about myself and the world, and to become extraordinary in ways I had never before imagined I could.

My intention for the Principle of Being

I have learned that “Being” means to know and love the Self regardless of the multitude of labels we use to describe ourselves, and to be aware of who we are no matter what challenges surround us. This decade, I make the intention to be me, and only me, and to see you as only you.

Thank you for allowing me to share my intentions with you. I had an ulterior motive for doing so. You see, I know that the true power of intentions comes when you share them with others. And I really, really want to be able to be mindful of these intentions, because I know they sometimes might not be so easy to remember. The fact that you have heard them means there is more power behind them, so thank you for reading.

Try it out for yourself. Make your intentions for the new decade, and then share them with special and supportive people in your life. Then see how much this action helps you to be mindful of your promises to yourself. And what’s even more interesting is that we don’t necessarily have to share our intentions with other people (although it’s always good to, because they can hold us accountable). If you prefer, you can go out into Nature and shout your intentions to the moon, the trees, the birds, the ocean or whatever has meaning and energy for you. Or, if you are the kind of person who likes to pray or meditate, state your intentions to Spirit, in whatever form is true for you. No matter how you state your intentions, when others bear witness to our sincere expression of them, it’s as if the Universe has etched our words into our cosmic diaries, and holds us firmly on our true course in life.

And of course, you are MOST welcome to share your intentions with me below in the comments! I’d love to be your “intention buddy.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Is one of your intentions in 2010 to start writing a spirit-based book? Maybe you’ve already written it and you are ready to find out how to publish and promote your book. Or maybe, you’ve just started your writing journey by keeping a diary, a blog or other journal of your thoughts, feelings or creative ideas. No matter where you are in your writing journey, I’d like to invite you to visit Spirit Authors, my brand new Virtual Coaching and Learning Experience just for mind-body-spirit writers.

We are having a fantastic Spirit Authors Grand Opening Webinar Week from Monday 22 February through Friday 26 February, where you can hear (for fr*ee) over a dozen top mind-body-spirit industry professionals, from authors, to publishers, to editors, to marketers and more, all talking about spirit-based books, from writing to publishing to promotion. You’ll also find out how you can join the new Spirit Authors membership site, bringing you bespoke courses, business resources, and great opportunities for both personal and professional networking, all aimed at writers in the mind-body-spirit genre.

To make sure you don’t miss our Grand Opening, be sure to come over to www.spiritauthors.com and sign up for our news updates, so you can receive a VIP invitation to this very special Grand Opening Webinar Week.

5 Easy Ways to Beat the Blues and Feel Joyous this Holiday Season
by Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC

SO sorry this is late! I actually thought I had posted it before Christmas. So, you’ll be getting 2 posts back-to-back, one today, one tomorrow.

Today we continue our series of tips to help you beat the blues over the holidays:

1. Holiday Blues Number 1: Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”) posted 6 December
2. Holiday Blues Number 2: Seasonal Illnessess, posted 10 Dec
3. Holiday Blues Number 3: Family “Dramas” (in today’s post)
4. Holiday Blues Number 4: Stress over Money (coming Monday 28 December)
5. Holiday Blues Number 5: Feelings of Isolation (coming Thursday 31 December)

TIP: If you want to receive all 5 articles, be sure to subscribe to this blog in the box on the right hand side of your screen.

Surviving Family Dramas during the Holiday Season
For many people, visiting with relatives during the holidays is a wonderful experience, because it allows them to reconnect with loved ones they might not ordinarily see during the rest of the year. But for many others, visiting with parents, siblings and extended family can bring out the worst in us. It’s as if we’ve travelled back in time. We might be the most powerful and respected person in our professional life, but somehow when we are around our childhood families, we change into blithering idiots. By dint of some inexplicable time-warp, we get caught up in the age-old “family dramas” that drive us absolutely batty and leave such a horrible aftertaste when we go back home to our “adult” world. Within minutes, we manage to regress into a juvenile version of ourselves that never shows up under any other circumstances. But what is worse is that we find it nearly impossible to get out of the age-old scripts we have played out since our youth.

Small wonder why I chose to speak about this in a Holiday Survival Guide!

Getting “hooked” into a role
When we get stuck into a family drama, I call it being “hooked.” The reason why we get hooked into our family dramas lies in the term “drama” itself. Think of what a drama is. It’s not merely a judgemental word; it’s actually a very accurate description of what is taking place. A drama is a complex story with complex characters. And our family dramas are no different. When we are hooked, it means we have taken on the role of one of these characters. And, yes, there are cliché roles in which people tend to be cast. In my course “Making Friends with the Monsters Under Your Bed”, I identify some of the typical roles people tend to play, such as “the good girl”, “the black sheep,” “the peacemaker”, “the clown”, “the bully”, “the victim”, “the martyr”, “the loser”, “the rebel”, “the misfit”, and so many others. Combine these with the added subtleties of our identity as being the only, the youngest, the eldest or the middle child (or girl/boy), and we find we really have created some pretty complex characters for ourselves.

Just as a drama on the stage or screen is dependent upon the chemistry and interaction (even if explosive) between the characters, so are our family dramas. Think of your favourite television drama or soap opera, and reflect on how some characters just can’t seem to stop triggering each other, whether passionately, violently or in some other way. So when we find ourselves shouting at someone, “I’m never like this except when I get around you,” it’s actually true. Our role is like a chemical reaction to the stimulus of coming in contact with another character in the play. Just as a good actor can play many different roles, from villain to lover to hero, with equal expertise when given the right script, so too we play different roles when we are working different “scripts” in our day-to-day lives. But the problem is, family scripts tend to get “written” very early in our development, and unless we become aware that we, and our family members, are all reading from the same old script year in and year out, we are unlikely to rewrite it.

How to stop it?
Well, the very first thing needed is to be able to recognise when you are hooked in a role. Simply by recognising your “default characters” when you slip into them can go a long way to making a shift away from them. How do you recognise it? Basically, if you feel weak, out of control, disconnected, ashamed, inauthentic, misunderstood, or incapable of expressing yourself, you might well be hooked in a role. Anger in and of itself is not necessarily a symptom, because anger can also come from an authentic, self-aware state of consciousness. The key is to be truthful about how connected and loving to your own Self you feel. If you do not feel connected and loving to Self, look deeper to see if you can recognise an underlying role.

Once you recognise and acknowledge you are playing one of your old, disempowering roles, notice what kinds of things trigger you. Don’t lay the blame (either outwardly or within your own mind) on another person. Remember: they are just as “hooked” as you are, and if you get entangled in the blame game, you will get nowhere. Instead, take note of the words and scenarios that tend to get you hooked. Really get to know what your triggers are, and take ownership of your reactions to them. It’s actually the most empowering thing you can do.

Realigning
Once you start to recognise your role and identify your triggers, the next thing to do is to practise “stepping aside” when triggers might be tossed your way. I call this “realigning.” If your “drama partner” hurls words at you that traditionally get you worked up, learn how to watch the words as if watching a film. One strategy I teach my clients is to use an anchoring word like, “STOP!” in your mind when you are on the verge of getting hooked. Silently, tell yourself, “Stop!” Some clients also like to use a hand gesture (like touching their thumb to their middle finger, or lightly touching their solar plexus) to bring them to that place of “stopping”. Then, take a breath and mentally step out of the “frame” of this drama, observing it without reacting.

This technique alone can be enough for some, but for others it only delays the outburst until later, because there is so much pent up anger and resentment that it simply has to come out. The aim of stopping is not to make you stuff your emotions or become submissive. It is to give you a breath, so you can bring the situation into your consciousness, and thus give you the ability to take control of your own choices. But if you are really, really hooked into your own drama, it is vital to explore the subtle forces inside of you that keep you attached to the role you play.

Why we cling to a role even if it makes us unhappy
Here’s one common example. If we find ourselves locked into a “victim” role or any role where we believe ourselves to be the “wronged one”, we might unconsciously be gripping very tightly onto that role because it satisfies a part of our identity. Why in the world would we wish to identify with being a victim? Simple. It makes us “right” and another person “wrong.” “But,” you might ask, “I am not a mean, vindictive person; why would I want to make someone else ‘wrong’?” The answer is because we feel weak and powerless inside. And when we feel powerless, this feeling of being “right” might well be the only glimmer of strength we are able to feel within ourselves. So, it makes perfect sense that we will hold onto this role for dear life because we have become so detached from ourselves we cannot see who we are without it. Basically, we are afraid. We fear our lives, if not our very existence, will become meaningless without the shield of being “right”.

And remember, if someone in your life always needs to be right (and it doesn’t matter if they are playing the role of a victim or a bully), that person is actually living with great fear. And here’s the key: when you can step outside the drama just long enough to see how much fear that person is feeling, you are far less likely to attack them or fear them yourself. And the instant you have stepped outside the drama, even for a second or two, and felt this compassion for the other person, you have begun to rewrite the script of your family drama. And that is when real relationships can begin.

TODAY’S JOY FORMULA:
Turning Family Drama into Joy

Here’s a simple Joy Formula for you to try out this holiday season:

• If you are feeling misunderstood, defensive, victimised or out of control, you are probably “hooked”. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else. Instead, congratulate yourself for recognising it.

• Take note of the “triggers” that get you hooked. Again, don’t fall into the blame game. It only gives your power away. Instead, take ownership for what you choose to do with those triggers.
• Use a silent mental anchoring word like “Stop” and/or hand gesture to break your pattern of reacting to the trigger.
• Breathe!
• Mentally step out of the scene and start to rewrite the script. Here are some ideas. Bad script formula: “You always make me feel x, y, z”
  • Bad script formula: “You’re always so x, y, z”
  • Good script formulas (in the right tone of voice, of course!): “I hear that you feel a, b, c when I said/did, x, y, z. What would really help me is to know what you would like me to say/do so you don’t feel this way” -OR- “When you said/did x, y, z, I feel a, b, c. I would really help me is if you said/did q, r, s.”
  • Note that what you DON’T want to say is that the person “made you” feel a certain way, or that the person is the problem. Focus on specific things the person said or did, tell them how the words or deed impact you (not making it their fault) and tell/ask them for what you want. This way, the person knows exactly what isn’t working for you, and you would like from them. Bear in mind that the other person might continue to play out the drama and not react very positively at first. If that happens, just keep rewriting the script. Believe me, if you do it enough times, the drama breaks and you start to speak to each other quite differently.

Being hooked by our unconscious roles and “old scripts” can frequently be so deep-rooted that people cannot easily identify them, even though they know something within them is causing much pain and heartache. The process of moving from unconsciousness to clarity and awareness is beyond the scope of this article, but if you want to explore it further, I do invite you to contact me for a consultation by filling in a request form at http://www.create-a-life.co.uk/free_consultation_request.html

I hope the information in this article has given you some useful tips for achieving greater joy over the holidays when you spend time with your families.

In the next instalment of my “Holiday Survival Guide”
I’ll be talking about how to beat the blues of
STRESS OVER MONEY (!) during the Holiday Season.

Again, it’s not necessarily what you might think!
Be sure you check it out TOMORROW.

Like this article? Share it with others… AND be sure to leave your comments and your OWN holiday survival tips below.

by Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC

Author Patrick Dennis somewhat sarcastically referred to the winter holidays as “The Joyous Season” in his 1960s book of the same name. Most of us inwardly believe that Christmas and the winter holidays are indeed meant to be joyous. But in actuality, many people have a rough time during the holiday season, for many reasons.

Because the holidays seem to be such challenging and sometimes transitional periods in our lives, this month I decided to have a look at what I think are the “Top 5 Blues” that affect so many people during the holidays, along with why we get them, and how to turn them around into Joy. Here are the top 5 that came to mind:

• Holiday Blues Number 1: Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”) in today’s issue
• Holiday Blues Number 2: Seasonal Illnesses (coming Wed 9 December)
• Holiday Blues Number 3: Family “Dramas” (coming Sun 27 December)
• Holiday Blues Number 4: Stress over Money (coming Mon 28 December)
• Holiday Blues Number 5: Feelings of Isolation (coming Thus 31December

Over the next 12 days, I’ll be examining each of these “blue areas”, give you some tips from other great thinkers, and offer a few of my own suggestions for turning the winter “blues” into cheery multi-coloured mind-body-spirit holiday sparkles. Today, I’ll be talking about SAD– Seasonal Affective Disorder. The findings might surprise you!

Beating Holiday Blues Number 1: Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”).
SAD is a condition that affects some people during the winter months causing them to feel a bit blue, low in energy, or basically “down in the dumps.” But what causes it?

Here in the UK, I recently attended talk by the world-renowned nutritionist Phillip Day who said that SAD actually is caused by a lack of Vitamin D, owing to the decreased amount of available sunshine during the winter months. Through some research, I found that the link between Vitamin D and SAD is widely recognised accepted by the general scientific community.

The truth about Vitamin D
Vitamin D is not really a vitamin, but actually a hormone the body produces, which plays a key role in so many vital functions of the body, and deficiency has been linked to an array of diseases, including diabetes and cancer. Taking a simple 1-hour walk outdoors during the warmer months is generally adequate to keep us stocked with our daily quotient of Vitamin D, which is first absorbed through exposed skin, and then assimilated into the bloodstream.

So if sunshine helps create Vitamin D, and Vitamin D gets rid of the winter “blues”, is “busting” Seasonal Affective Disorder just an easy matter of getting out into the sunshine during the winter? Well yes… and no.

During these dark, winter months, not only is there much less sunlight during the daytime, but also the angle of the sun is such that Vitamin D absorption by the body is not as efficient as it is in other times of the year. This is especially true for people who live above 40 degrees latitude, which includes a huge portion of the US and most of Europe. To make matters worse, the likelihood for Vitamin D deficiency is even greater amongst people with darker skin who live in these latitudes, because their pigmentation was naturally designed to block the sun’s rays more than that of people with fairer skin, as their ethnic roots are from sunnier climates.

Hmmm… Kind of makes your realise how much our bodies love to live in synch with the Earth and the Sun, doesn’t it?

Can I cheat?
You might ask the question, “If we cannot get enough Vitamin D during the winter, can we ’stock up’ on it over the summer when there is more sunlight?” Answer: Nope. Vitamin D lives in the body only for about two weeks. So two weeks’ summer holiday in sunny Spain last June will not cover your Vitamin D requirements during your English Christmas six months later. No, if you suffer from SAD during the winter in the northern latitudes, the best advice nutritionists are currently giving is to take Vitamin D supplements (do some research on the dosages, because I have read varying opinions about this).

Why is Lynn talking about this?
Ok… it’s true I’m not a scientist, doctor or nutritionist. So why am I talking about this in a coaching newsletter? Well, it’s because I believe, with every grain of my being, that our overall happiness and wellbeing is dependent upon the integration of mind, body and spirit. And something we, in this modern era, forget too frequently is that we are basically the children of the solar system and are not only physically connected to and dependent upon the Sun, the Earth, the Moon and other celestial entities, but that our ultimate happiness depends upon our being emotionally and spiritually connected to them as well.

But it is my observation that, in our modern world, we have become so dissociated from the most ubiquitous presence in our daily lives (the Sun) that we are even a bit “sun-o-phobic”. We smother our bodies with sunscreen, believing the sun to have “deadly rays”, forgetting that it is actually our link to our own Source. While I am not minimising care needed to be taken with regards to things like skin cancer, I do think our modern relationship with the Sun is poorly defined.

“Working Lunch Disorder”
Here’s an example of what I mean. If you combine our “sun-o-phobia” with our modern “workaholic” ethical code, you come up with the modern blight known as the “working lunch”. Personally, I think the “working lunch” is responsible for the vast majority of work-related stresses and other ailments in our modern world. But still, hardly anyone DARES to kick the habit. I can’t tell you how many times I have requested my clients to get OUT of the office daily and go outdoors during their lunch breaks. And by “break” I don’t mean a 20-minute dash to the bank! I mean an actual BREAK. You’d think they’d leap at the chance to become less stressed… but noooooooo…. you wouldn’t believe the MOUNTAIN of excuses I hear:

• “My boss wouldn’t like it.”
• “If I did that, I wouldn’t get my work done.”
• “People depend on me. Things would fall apart if I took an hour off.”
• “I don’t eat lunch anyway. I just grab a granola bar and coffee, and eat while I reply to my emails.”
• “Most of the time, I’m so busy I don’t remember it’s lunchtime until it’s like 3pm, so I just keep going until it’s time to go home.”
• “I’ve gotten used to it.” (Yeah, right. I call this the “frog in the pot syndrome”)

I find it utterly astonishing how such a simple thing as getting away from our desks during lunch hour can be one of the most challenging habits for people to cultivate. It is a plight of the modern age, and would never have happened in the past, when people didn’t have cars, had to work the land, etc. But nowadays, it can be a real challenge to shift our perspective so we recognise that our bodies, hearts and minds are CRAVING connection to source and that lack of this connection can actually cause both physical and emotional imbalances. (Ironically, many people might blame our troubles on our boss, but the truth is, our boss is in exactly the same predicament).

Getting back to SAD, the point is, if you are already not in the frame of mind to go out into the sunshine on a regular basis even when the weather is nice, warm and sunny, you are even less likely to get outdoors when the weather is colder, damper and darker.

My own experiences
Back when I first moved to London, I do believe I suffered from SAD. I commuted 5 hours a day on the London underground and I was indoors nearly all the time. I felt really low, my diet was abysmal and I walked with a stooped posture (Vitamin D is also essential to the proper absorption of Calcium, so it is essential for healthy bone growth).

Since moving to Bedford 4 ½ years ago, my lifestyle has changed radically. I’ve made a habit of walking outdoors at least 1 hour a day, at least 5 days a week, even if it’s raining or snowing. I love walking in the crisp air (provided it’s not TOO cold). Upon the suggestion of my good friend Fran Stockley, a nutritional therapist, I try not to wear gloves, hat or scarf when I’m outside unless I really need them, in order to enable better absorption of the sunlight. I also take plant-source supplements, including about 400 IU of Vitamin D every day.

The result?
While I might sometimes succumb to seasonal illnesses (see part 2 of this “Holiday Survival Guide” later this week), I never get “SAD” in the winter months. My energy and enthusiasm are pretty much unstoppable. One of my former clients recently said to me, “You must be the happiest person I know.” I had to laugh because she said this to me on one of my more STRESSED days! So if I seem happy in comparison to others even when I am not at my own 100%, you can see how much room for improvement there is amongst the people she knows.

TODAY’S JOY FORMULA:
Turning SAD into Joy

Ok, at a practical level, if you suffer from SAD and you want to bust the holiday blues this year, the experts tell us to get out and walk in the bright, crisp air every day for a minimum of 30-60 minutes, and to get yourself a good Vitamin D supplement from a natural food source.

But at a deeper, internal level, if you suffer from SAD, try to view it as an indication that the Earth and Sun are “calling” you. SAD is their way of telling you they want you to come out of your dark, air-tight cubicle and connect with them. They are saying, “Come out and play with us!” I think it is high time for us human beings to listen to them, so we can inherit the wisdom they have for us.

What better friends could you have during the holiday season, or indeed at any time than Father Sky and Mother Earth? They will never abandon you. If you ever feel lonely or depressed, just look up into the sky, or down beneath your feet, and you will find them there. Earth and Sun are your most intimate friends, who really KNOW you body, mind and spirit. They with you at every moment.

AND… when you feel genuinely connected at every moment, how can you have the blues? It is within this connection that you will find your Joy.

In the next instalment of my “Holiday Survival Guide” I’ll be talking about how to beat the blues of Seasonal Illnesses during the Holiday Season. Again, it’s not necessarily what you might think!  Be sure you check it out in 3 days’ time.

Information Sources
1. Live talk bay Phillip Day on 26 November 2009, Milton Keynes. Phillip Day is the founder of an independent research organisation called “Credence”, whose stated goal is “to report properly annotated and verified information
that enables you to make wise health decisions.” http://www.credence.org/

SIDE NOTE: Phillip Day has agreed to be a guest on my radio show sometime in 2010; be sure you watch my updates around March or so. If you are interested in health, you won’t want to miss him.

2. Turner, Natasha, ND. 2009. “Sleeping too Much? You Could be SAD.” Accessed from TrueStar Health website on 5 December 2009 at http://www.truestarhealth.com/members/cm_archives13ML3P1A8.html

3. Reinagel, Monica. July 2008. “Can you store up enough vitamin D in the summer to last you though winter?” Accessed from “The Nutrition Data Blog” on 5 December 2009 at
http://blog.nutritiondata.com/ndblog/2008/07/can-you-store-u.html

4. Gombart, Adrian. November 2009. “Multiple health concerns surface as winter, vitamin D deficiencies arrive.” Accessed from Eureka Alert on 5 December 2009 at http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2009-11/osu-mhc112309.php

5. Landers, Susan. April 2009. “OM studies boost in vitamin D requirements”. Accessed from “American Medical News” on 5 December 2009 at http://www.ama-assn.org/amednews/2009/04/20/hlsa0420.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC is a transformation coach, speaker, radio host and author of the bestselling book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. Lynn coaches clients from all over the world via telephone. If you would like to discover and unleash your inner hero, call Lynn for a FR*EE no obligation coaching consultation at 0845 880 28 25 during normal business hours, or fill in a consultation request form at http://www.create-a-life.co.uk/free_consultation_request.html

Meditation 28: Aesthetic Awareness
from “Lessons from the Iris: the Principle of Receiving”

Aesthetics are the subtle qualities of beauty, originality, ingenuity and artistry that surround us at every moment in the world. They are not things that can be defined or quantified with any kind of measurement. They speak to us at an intuitive level, and can be found both in nature, as well as in the creations of humankind. After all, humankind is also a vital part of the Natural World, even if we sometimes lose sight of our connection to it.

Aesthetics surround us at every moment. When we feel moved by a sunset or other natural wonder, cry when we hear a particular song, feel a lump in our throat over a work of art of any kind, or find ourselves affected in an inexplicable way by the poignancy, perfection, or uniqueness of anything we witness or experience, we are in touch with the subtle realm of Aesthetics. There is something undeniable about our experience that touches us at the deepest level, but to try to pinpoint what precisely makes it so powerful is as impossible as trying to capture the substance of a rainbow. The magic of an Aesthetic experience lies within its ephemeral nature, and the fact that we are experiencing a unique moment in time and space, and feel connected to it at the heart and soul level. And while many people enjoy the intellectual pursuit of analysing artistic merit, it is important to understand that if we attempt to connect to our aesthetic experiences purely from an intellectual platform, we are apt to lose the essence of their magic, and we deny ourselves the full experience of connection to them.

In The Garden of the Soul, the Iris is the mentor of Aesthetic Awareness. She teaches us how to be inwardly silent, and fill up completely with the moment. Together, we stand with her, appreciating fully the unlikelihood of a triple rainbow, and the fact that we have come together at that particular point in time and space to witness it together. She models for us how to become receptive to the Aesthetics that surround us at any given moment, and thus develop our Aesthetic Awareness, which is an attribute of the Principle of Receiving. In order to Receive, we must first empty ourselves of any intellectual or emotional obstructions. We must become like an empty pitcher ready and waiting to be filled with nectar, or a flower bud that simply allows the rays of the sun to bathe it before it can blossom. If we are full of our own mind-games, judgements or limiting beliefs, very little of the nectar or the sunlight is likely to fill us. When we become empty and ready to receive, we become able to see and taste fully all the subtle qualities of the world around us at any given moment. This is the essence of Aesthetic Awareness.

When we develop this Awareness, a sense of Awe, Gratitude and Appreciation became almost uncontainable inside of us. Aesthetic Awareness, therefore, is the doorway to many other Attributes of the Principle of Receiving. In other words, only when we become truly empty, do we become truly full. When we master the art of true emptiness, we finally become able to taste the nectarean pleasure of Divine Aesthetics.

Enquiries to cultivate this attribute

1. What kinds of things would I love to empty from my heart and mind?

2. What subtle beauty, wonder and uniqueness do I become aware of when I am empty?

3. What would be the best thing about life if I were truly Aesthetically Aware at every moment?

Many thanks to Andrew Mondia, a Canadian actor currently living in London, and a Facebook fan, for selecting the magic number 28 for this week’s meditation. This meditation was read on the air on “Lynn Serafinn’s Garden of the Soul Radio Show” on Wed 11 Nov 2009. If you would like to help me write my upcoming book “The Companion Guide to the Garden of the Soul” and possibly have your name listed in the acknowledgements of the book, and announced on my weekly radio broadcast, just select a number from 1-80 and post it in the comments below.

SPECIAL HOLIDAY GIFT GIVEAWAY!

The above excerpt is from my upcoming book The Companion Guide to the Garden of the Soul. Have you picked up your copy of the original book The Garden of the Soul yet? It’s an Amazon bestseller in spirituality, mind-body-spirit and self-help. Check it out on Amazon or on the official book website.

AND…if you are reading this before the end of December 2009, I have something extra special for you.  In the spirit of giving and receiving this holiday season, I am giving away over 1 hour in audio book excerpts as a special holiday GIFTS to everyone who purchases the Garden of the Soul during the month of December 2009. So when you buy it as a gift for someone you love (even if that someone is you), YOU get 4 free gifts for yourself.

To check out my Garden of the Soul Holiday
Gift Giveaway CLICK HERE.

Warm wishes,
Lynn Serafinn
“Turning up the volume of the music in your heart!”
lynn [at] lynnserafinn [dot] com