On the show, we discussed my own history of depression and post traumatic stress, from a very early age. I shared my own definition of “depression” as being “grief for the loss of a part of ourselves.”  We discussed how this definition opens up the door to dive into the pain deeply, and to honour and acknowledge our grief completely. We discussed how depression is actually a gift from the Universe to tell us that something needs our attention, and that it is ultimately an invitation for us to come back to who we truly are.

I also shared my experience with post traumatic stress, and how it can sometimes trigger depression. But, I explained, the two are quite different. While depression is an expression of grief and loss, trauma is an expression of fear. When we are afraid, it is common to respond in either a passive or aggressive fashion, whereas grief can manifest in quite different ways. I called upon listeners in the audience who believe they are going through depression to examine whether they are feeling grief or fear (or both), because sometimes there is a trauma that needs to be acknowledged and addressed.

At the end of the show, I shared my own personal message about reaching a place within ourselves where we can take a metaview of our lives, and see all of these circumstances and the emotions which arise from them as part of the greater “hero’s story” of our lives.

After the call was over, Marifran wrote to me to tell me that several listeners on the show had written to her responding strongly to the content of the show. Marifran sent me these written responses she received from listeners who suffered with depression at some point in their lives:

“I liked the definition of grieving over loss of self so we can feel the emotion.
You have to find out who the self is that you lost.” – CG

“I resonate to Lynn’s words that depression is there to get your attention.
It does not mean something about you.” – NB

“I was enthralled.”

“I am ecstatic with sheer joy and happy tears.”

“This idea of being given permission to grieve is so powerful.
Like Lynn I believe we are in a chronically undergrieved society.” – JS

“Lynn’s description of her experience is my experience.
I was so excited and grateful to hear what I’ve known expressed so clearly and directly.” – SJ

Needless to say, I was moved by the response.

Because the things discussed on this show proved to be so powerful, and this message is so important, I wanted to share it with you. You can hear the full 1-hour interview on the player below:

If you are receiving this post via email,
and cannot see the player, you many listen to it online at:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/marifran/2010/07/27/the-spiritual-journey-of-depression

Be sure to check out Marifran’s show on August 10, 2010,
when she is interviewing Vrinda Pendred about the journey of OCD.

AND… don’t forget to tune in to my own show,
“Lynn Serafinn’s Garden of the Soul”
Wednesdays at 6PM UK/ 1PM Easternon BlogTalkRadio

http://blogtalkradio.com/Lynn-Serafinn

About Lynn Serafinn

Lynn Serafinn is a an award-winning transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host and bestselling author of the book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. She also works as a campaign manager for mind-body-spirit authors and has produced two #1-selling book campaigns, and another #2-selling campaign, in just the past few months. She is also the creator of Spirit Authors, which offers training, coaching, business-building and inspiration for mind-body-spirit authors, whether established or aspiring. To contact Lynn for coaching, campaign management or media appearances, please fill in the form at http://spiritauthors.com/contact.

If you’re looking to reclaim your inner space this month, Karen’s luscious Walkingspirit Retreat runs June 26th to July 3rd in Tuscany, Italy. See full details at the end of this article to find out how to book and receive a discount as one of Lynn’s subscribers.

When Karen Maycey (pictured above) changed careers to become a coach in 2005, she was asked a simple question: “What is your dream?” Karen replied quickly, saying, “My dream is to run a retreat in the mountains!”

She had first had this dream when she was working as a tour guide in the Austrian Alps. During that period of her life, Karen had a successful and exciting career as a guide for long haul and adventure holidays. She had taken groups to the Great Wall of China, through the US National Parks, and countless times through New Zealand and Australia. And throughout those times, she kept dreaming of creating her own retreat-not one that was defined by the tour companies that hired her-which would incorporate yoga, walking, being in inspirational surroundings in the mountains (her favourite place) and good quality home-cooked food.

But the fact she was so successful at her job actually proved to be a distraction to Karen, and over time this dream got somewhat forgotten.

But when her coaching trainers asked the question, “What is your dream?”, the dream reappeared. And this time, she knew her mountain retreat would also include coaching.

But while the picture of the dream became clearer in Karen’s mind, life took over, and once again the dream got pushed into the background of her life. She says, “The dream sort of ‘hung around’ but it was semi-forgotten.”

In 2006, Karen she met a man named Verran, who was at that time a marketing director of private company. Soon, the two became a couple. Like Karen, Verran loved the mountains and the great outdoors, but his job offered little opportunity to live his passion. He had a dream to start a new company that incorporated his love for the outdoors and his work with businesses. Karen encouraged and supported him to follow his heart, and Verran resigned from his job. He soon started a company called “Outside Insights”, where he works as a walking guide taking businesses into the outdoors for team building, problem solving and personal growth. But Karen’s own dream was still not yet manifesting,

Then, April 2007 she took a course called Awakened Wisdom with Patrick Ryan where one of the tasks was to create a “mandala” envisioning her dreams for the future and how she wanted to “be” in the world. Over and over again, the theme of retreats kept popping up, along with being open-hearted, tapping into cosmic love, being a shining star, and being a catalyst for change and an inspiration. She was inspired by the words of Marianne Williamson that spoke of allowing one’s light to shine, and that it didn’t serve anyone for her to hide away. In making this mandala, Karen knew it was time to start being that shining star.

Astonishingly, within weeks of coming to that realisation, she was called by a company called “The Big Stretch” for an interview, and was subsequently hired. “The Big Stretch” was very close to her dream, as every gave her the opportunity to lead personal development courses for small groups that involved a “full on” week of coaching and walking in mountains of Spain. She felt this new job “semi-satisfied” her dream, but the bigger dream was still on the back burner. But all of it was slowly building up to the experience she truly wanted to create, and helped to give her the confidence she could do it.

But then, things changed.

In May 2008, Karen noticed a lump in her left breast. Shortly thereafter she went for an operation and her first diagnosis. At age 37, Karen had grade-2 breast cancer.
Karen was filled with shock and disbelief. How could she have cancer? She had always been so healthy and health conscious. She was young, fit, active, sporty and spent a lot of time outdoors. How could this happen?

But after the initial shock, she got down to dealing with the situation. After all, this was a matter of life and death. But Karen soon realised it was not so simple. She realised that deciding upon a treatment regime had to be something that matched her philosophy in life. Trusting her intuition, and frequently needing to hold true to her convictions in the face of advice she was receiving from her NHS doctors, Karen decided not to do chemotherapy, and embarked on a naturopathic route to healing. She felt her healing could only really happen if she worked in a way she herself believed.

Karen says, “I think what matters is that you believe in the choices you are making.”

She spent more than a year on an intense 5-hour a day regime that included detox and supplements, costing her thousands of pounds.

And all through the process, she kept saying to herself, “When I get better, I’ll do this or I’ll do that” But while her treatments seemed to be working well, and she began to look more healthy and vibrant than she did before the cancer, whenever her test results came back from the lab, the doctors never said, “Your cancer is gone forever.” Instead, they would always say, there is more work to do. It seemed like everything in her life was put “on hold” while she focussed on her cancer.

But then, over the Christmas holiday in 2009, things changed again.

She and Verran were on holiday on the La Vacchio farm in a valley in northern Italy. They spent many hours talking together about the experience of the past year and their vision for the future. Looking at the beautiful surroundings, Karen felt a shift within her. Suddenly, she realised how long she had been delaying her dream, year after year. But now she saw it was time to start living in the now. If she kept using other things as excuses to delay her dreams, they might never come true. And if she simply put her dreams on hold while she had cancer, she might even die before she had had the chance to live life fully.

In one instant, she shifted from a ‘When I get better then I’ll do…” attitude, to a ‘Go for it!’ attitude. It was time to do her retreat–NOW.

And in the serendipitous fashion of the Universe, no sooner had she made this shift, the owners of the farm asked her and Verran if they would be interested in running a retreat on their farm! So all of a sudden they had their venue sorted, without any effort.
Karen’s entire life has changed since then. She lives life fully and makes the most of every moment. She didn’t do this last year when she was focussing on her illness. There’s no more waiting for tomorrow, no matter what the situation might be–even when you have cancer.

So now, Karen wants to share her dream with the world. She says, “I’m really looking forward to showing others that self–indulgence–this lovely thing-is actually a gift for the sake of their happiness and health. I want people to have a gorgeous time reconnecting with nature and themselves, chilling out, and recharging their batteries.”

“What I want people to gain from the retreat is to know they matter–that they are important–and that they can choose their attitude in every moment. The retreat is an opportunity to kick-start loving life and to shift from deferring one’s dreams to being in now. The yoga, coaching, walking, wonderful food and beautiful surroundings will all bring that. It’s all about being in the present and going for what you want.”

“In a way, that’s the secret to life,” she adds.

WALKINGSPIRIT RETREAT
Date: June 26-July 3, 2010 (7 days)
Place: La Vacchio Retreat (in valley north of Luca, Tuscany, Italy
Retreat Leaders: Karen Maycey (coaching), Verran Townsend (walking guide), Lisa Jones (yoga)
Agenda: Coaching, Yoga, Walking, organic food, relaxing and fun!
There will be group coaching every day 1-2 hours, and the opportunity to have one 1-to-1 session of either coaching or yoga during the week.
Cost: £995 (including accommodation and food)
You can get £25 off to cost of the retreat if you say  “Lynn sent me” when you book!

To get your discount call 0161 928 8179 (UK)
or email karen at: Karen@walkingspirit.co.uk

There is no deadline to book, BUT there are only a few spaces left.

More information:
Web: http://walkingspirit.co.uk
Blog: http://wallkspirit.wordpress.com
Fan page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Walkingspirit/123408144354924
Retreat Venue: http://lavacchio.com

About Lynn Serafinn

Lynn Serafinn is a transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host and bestselling author of the book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. She also works as a campaign manager for mind-body-spirit authors and has produced two #1-selling book campaigns, and another #2-selling campaign, in just the past 4 months. She is also the creator of Spirit Authors to offer training, coaching, business-building and inspiration for mind-body-spirit authors, whether established or aspiring. She’s also in Round 2 of the Next Top Spiritual Author contest! To check out Lynn’s video entry, brand new book proposal and read 80 pages from her book The Garden of the Soul, go to http://www.NextTopAuthor.com/?aid=2016. A free gift awaits you when you cast your vote.

The winner for this contest is being decided by PUBLIC vote. Each of the contestants had to answer a single question: ”

What will YOU give the world when you reclaim your brilliance?”

To vote for a winner go to:
http://spiritauthors.com/AWE/Pages/contest-vote.html

Please take a moment to go over the to voting page, and read the (very short) answers to this question each of our 8 finalists gave. Then, vote for the one you believe has the most passion and desire to make good use of the Grand Prize, which is a $3000 “Awakened Wisdom Experience” (AWE) including 4 one-to-one coaching sessions with Patrick Ryan, 2 VIP guest passes to his 3-day workshop “Awakened Wisdom”, and a signed copy of his new book, “Awakened Wisdom”. All I can say is there are some VERY deserving people on there.

Again, to vote and help to change someone’s life, go to: http://spiritauthors.com/AWE/Pages/contest-vote.html

And if YOU missed out on this great contest, no worries. Check out Patrick’s book “Awakened Wisdom: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Brilliance”. It’s coming to Amazon on Tuesday April 20th (that’s just ONE week away). When you purchase the book on that day, you can receive over 40 GORGEOUS gifts from a lot of wonderful people (including me!!).

Here’s the page to get the book:
http://www.awakenedwisdom.com/Public/Amazon/BookLaunch/index.cfm

Patrick’s a personal friend and mentor of mine, and I have to tell you that his work (and this book) is simply AWE-some. I urge you to go over and sign up for a “launch reminder” at this page: so you’ll remember to pick up the book next Tuesday, and be able to claim all those gifts (my mind is boggled at how many there are).

Ok, that’s enough for now. Just remember 2 things:

1) VOTE to give someone the spiritual makeover of a lifetime and

2) Register to get a reminder to buy Patrick’s book and receive 40 spiritual and business building gifts.

Have fun!

Warm wishes,
Lynn

P.S.: The CONTEST ENDS ON SUNDAY APRIL 18TH! Be sure to cast your vote before the end of the weekend, as the winner will be announced just after midnight on Monday.

That’s what I imagine it will feel like to the lucky person who wins a wonderful contest being offered by coach Patrick Ryan, author of the upcoming book Awakened Wisdom: a Guide to Reclaiming Your Brilliance, which is coming to Amazon on Tuesday April 20, 2010.

As part of the celebration of the launch of the book, Patrick is giving away a $3000 “Awakened Wisdom Experience” (AWE) to one person. The AWE-some Grand Prize includes 4 private 1-to-1 personal coaching sessions with Patrick, a personally signed copy of the book Awakened Wisdom AND 2 free VIP passes to attend his 3-day Awakened Wisdom Workshop anywhere in the world.

Patrick is a world renowned executive coach, leadership trainer and spiritual teacher. For more than three decades, he has studied and practiced the way of an awakened life with spiritual masters and indigenous teachers all over the planet, and even served as a Buddhist monk in a monastery in Burma. His depth of spiritual knowledge, combined with his natural, down-to-earth personality, make him both a powerful and accessible coach and teacher.

Anyone who receives this exceptional prize should ready for a complete “inner beauty” makeover. And remember: there are TWO free passes to the Awakened Wisdom workshop, which means you can share this gift with a friend or loved one.

To enter the AWE contest, you only need to answer one question:

“What will you give the world when you reclaim your brilliance?”

A great question, don’t you think?

To enter, you must submit your answer to this question BEFORE April 9^th. To get started, go to: http://www.awakenedwisdom.com/Public/Amazon/booklaunch/index.cfm

To qualify, you will be asked to sign up for a “launch reminder” for Patrick’s book, Awakened Wisdom first. As soon as you’ve done that, you’ll be taken to a page with a link to the contest entry page.

A list of semi-finalists will be announced on April 12^th. The Grand Prize winner will be decided by public vote (so be sure to get your friends and family on board to support you!).

And…

Even if you don’t want to enter the contest, do please check out Patrick’s book Awakened Wisdom: A Guide to Reclaiming Your Brilliance on that same page. If you scroll down on that page, you’ll see that dozens of authors, coaches, entrepreneurs and spiritual teachers have come together to celebrate the launch of this profound and practical book, by giving away over 40 very special gifts to anyone who buys the book on April 20. And I am one of them!

To everyone who buys Patrick’s book, I will be giving away FOUR free audio meditations from my Garden of the Soul Workshop. These are very special meditations I have never offered before anywhere, unless you happen to have taken my workshop. I hope you’ll like them.

Best of luck to all of you who enter the contest. Please keep me posted if you win, so I can announce it in my upcoming newsletter. I’d also love to hear your answers to this great question!

Warm wishes,
Lynn Serafinn

My Twitter asteroids:
http://twitter.com/LynnSerafinn
http://twitter.com/SpiritAuthors

My Facebook galaxies:
http://facebook.com/LynnSerafinn
http://facebook.com/VoteLynnSerafinnNextTopSpiritualAuthor
http://facebook.com/SpiritAuthors
http://facebook.com/gardenofthesoul

Presenting an exciting NEW concept on the Internet, combining coaching, learning, community and business-building in a creative, spirit-based environment…

SPIRIT AUTHORS GRAND OPENING

Register for free at: http://spiritauthors.com/pages/grand-opening.html

Spirit Authors (www.spiritauthors.com) is an innovative new membership site where established, new and aspiring authors in the mind-body-spirit genre can find everything and everyone they need to make their publication a success. Founded by bestselling author and award-winner teacher and coach, Lynn Serafinn, Spirit Authors provides learning, support and professional resources to mind-body-spirit authors, whether you are just starting out, or are already successfully published.

Won’t you please join us for our Grand Opening Celebration?

• Monday 22 February through Friday 26 February (one webcast per day), from 3pm Eastern (8pm UK)
• FIVE unique broadcasts on different topics including writing, publishing and marketing your book and beyond
• FREE to attend; FREE to listen (via webcast)
• A superb VIP panel of 18 spirit-based industry professionals, all leaders in their fields
• Panellists include top-selling mind-body-spirit authors, editors, marketing specialists, translators, literary agents, publishers and basically wonderful people.

On the broadcasts, you will…

• Hear the experiences and insights of 18 leading mind-body-spirit publishing professionals
• Learn lots of new things about spirit-based writing, publishing and promotion
• Have the opportunity to direct questions to the VIP panel via our webcast
• Find out how you can “Test Drive” Spirit Authors Virtual Coaching and Learning Experience for only $1
• Receive some great free gifts just for checking it out.

Can’t make it to the live broadcasts?

No problem! Register for the webcasts you want, and you will receive a link to download the MP3 after the event. But don’t leave it too long before you listen to them… we’ll be giving away some freebies that will be available only during the week of the Grand Opening launch.

Who are our VIPs?

• HOST: Lynn Serafinn, bestselling author, book promotion coach
• CO-HOST: Shelagh Jones, Spiritus Spiritual Marketing Directory
• Alan Seale, author, transformation coach
• Allison Maslan, number-1 selling author, homeopath, life strategy coach
• Caron Goode, award-winning author
• Dana Lynn Smith, The Savvy Book Marketer
• Daya Devi Doolin, award-winning author, spiritual counsellor
• Laurel Marshfield, editor, ghostwriter, proofreader
• Marion Ross, number-1 selling author and psychologist
• Richard Fitt, Authors Online, publisher for self-publishing authors
• Shannon Arnold Jackson, spirit-based writing coach
• Shelley Lieber, The Wordy Woman, Publishing Maven
• Stephanie Gunning, the Get a Book Deal Coach
• Tony Eldridge, Marketing Tips for Authors
• William Bloom, world-renowned spirituality author and speaker
• William Gladstone, author, top literary agent for leading mind-body-spirit authors
• Yvonne Perry, author, book marketing specialist
• One additional guest to be confirmed

CLICK HERE TO READ ALL ABOUT THE LINE UP AND REGISTER FOR FREEl

Allison Maslan

By guest blogger Allison Maslan

Note from Lynn: The exciting launch of Allison’s new book, Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan To Launch Your Dreams Into Reality is coming THIS Tuesday, January 19. To find out how you can buy the book and receive more than 20 beautiful mind-body-spirit gifts during the launch, go to www.myblastoff.com/booklaunch.

Are you living your life to the fullest at this moment in time? Do you have the life that you have always dreamed of? If so, congratulations! Meditate a few moments each day on the goodness that you have experienced from your great fortune. If your answer is no, it is never too late to start. So many of my coaching clients tell me they don’t reach their goals because they want everything perfect before they move forward.

They are striving for perfection and it is killing them. They want a perfectly clean house, to say the perfect words and to do perfect work at all times. What is the point of “perfect” anyway? Pressure filled expectations are a sure way to turn any goal into a ball and chain. Many people resist attempting new challenges or setting new goals because they are afraid they will not perform to their ridiculous level of expectation.

As a result, they give up before they ever begin. Then the feelings of disappointment and failure set in. I started taking modern dance in my 30s. The room was full of young women and men that had been dancing since childhood. My mind was aghast as the dance instructor got in front of the class and proceeded to dance several eloquent steps that we were supposed to immediately mirror. I knew I was in trouble as the class was spinning one way and I was tripping the other way (Picture I Love Lucy and the Rockettes).

Through this experience, I learned to laugh at myself and let go of the notion of doing it perfectly. It was not possible for me to keep up with these experts; and attempting to do so was way too much pressure. Once the light bulb came on that I could do something for the fun of it, I relaxed about the outcome. And wouldn’t you know it, I was able to perform in several dance presentations and I had a blast.

If you are not putting yourself out there, reaching toward what you really want because you are afraid of not being perfect, you are missing out on the juiciness of your life. It is the non-perfect part that will be most memorable and uniquely you.

~~~~~~~~

Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH is a homeopathic physician and the author of Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan To Launch Your Dreams Into Reality. As a life and business coach, she helps people create a new business and the best chapter of their lives.

The exciting launch of her book, Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan To Launch Your Dreams Into Reality is coming Tuesday, January 19. To find out how you can buy the book and receive more than 20 beautiful mind-body-spirit gifts during the launch, go to www.myblastoff.com/booklaunch.

To honour the coming of the new decade, I decided to set some intentions. To keep me focussed and balanced, I decided to use the four principles of “Give, Receive, Become and Be” from my book The Garden of the Soul as a foundation for those intentions. I’d like to share them with you here.

My intention for the Principle of Giving

I have learned that true “Giving” means to listen deeply to people’s hearts and give them what they truly want, rather than imposing what my ego tells me what I think they need. This decade, I make the intention to give to everyone I meet, from my heart to theirs.

My intention for the Principle of Receiving

I have learned that true “Receiving” means to open my eyes and ears to become aware of the boundless gifts being sent to me at every moment of my life. This decade, I make the intention to allow myself to receive, with wonder, joy and gratitude, all the Universe offers me.

My intention for the Principle of Becoming

I have learned that we cannot “Become” or grow unless we let go of old ways of thinking that do not serve us and keep us stuck in a treadmill. This decade, I make the intention to let go of old stories I have about myself and the world, and to become extraordinary in ways I had never before imagined I could.

My intention for the Principle of Being

I have learned that “Being” means to know and love the Self regardless of the multitude of labels we use to describe ourselves, and to be aware of who we are no matter what challenges surround us. This decade, I make the intention to be me, and only me, and to see you as only you.

Thank you for allowing me to share my intentions with you. I had an ulterior motive for doing so. You see, I know that the true power of intentions comes when you share them with others. And I really, really want to be able to be mindful of these intentions, because I know they sometimes might not be so easy to remember. The fact that you have heard them means there is more power behind them, so thank you for reading.

Try it out for yourself. Make your intentions for the new decade, and then share them with special and supportive people in your life. Then see how much this action helps you to be mindful of your promises to yourself. And what’s even more interesting is that we don’t necessarily have to share our intentions with other people (although it’s always good to, because they can hold us accountable). If you prefer, you can go out into Nature and shout your intentions to the moon, the trees, the birds, the ocean or whatever has meaning and energy for you. Or, if you are the kind of person who likes to pray or meditate, state your intentions to Spirit, in whatever form is true for you. No matter how you state your intentions, when others bear witness to our sincere expression of them, it’s as if the Universe has etched our words into our cosmic diaries, and holds us firmly on our true course in life.

And of course, you are MOST welcome to share your intentions with me below in the comments! I’d love to be your “intention buddy.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Is one of your intentions in 2010 to start writing a spirit-based book? Maybe you’ve already written it and you are ready to find out how to publish and promote your book. Or maybe, you’ve just started your writing journey by keeping a diary, a blog or other journal of your thoughts, feelings or creative ideas. No matter where you are in your writing journey, I’d like to invite you to visit Spirit Authors, my brand new Virtual Coaching and Learning Experience just for mind-body-spirit writers.

We are having a fantastic Spirit Authors Grand Opening Webinar Week from Monday 22 February through Friday 26 February, where you can hear (for fr*ee) over a dozen top mind-body-spirit industry professionals, from authors, to publishers, to editors, to marketers and more, all talking about spirit-based books, from writing to publishing to promotion. You’ll also find out how you can join the new Spirit Authors membership site, bringing you bespoke courses, business resources, and great opportunities for both personal and professional networking, all aimed at writers in the mind-body-spirit genre.

To make sure you don’t miss our Grand Opening, be sure to come over to www.spiritauthors.com and sign up for our news updates, so you can receive a VIP invitation to this very special Grand Opening Webinar Week.

5 Easy Ways to Beat the Blues and Feel Joyous this Holiday Season-  Part 4 of 5
by Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC

Well, as we move into the last week of the holiday season, we move into the penultimate article in our series of tips to help you beat the blues over the holidays:

1. Holiday Blues Number 1: Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”) posted 6 December
2. Holiday Blues Number 2: Seasonal Illnessess, posted 10 Dec
3. Holiday Blues Number 3: Family “Dramas” (posted 27 Dec)
   
4. Holiday Blues Number 4: Stress over Money in today’s post
5. Holiday Blues Number 5: Feelings of Isolation (coming Thursday 31 December)

TIP: If you want to receive all 5 articles, be sure to subscribe to this blog in the box on the right hand side of your screen.

Let’s face it. Sometimes we spend money during the holidays as if we had an unlimited supply of cash. But then, the bills start to arrive. And while we might have felt bright, bubbly and festive when we did our holiday shopping, when we begin to assess the financial “damages”, our euphoria can rapidly turn into stress, and even guilt, making it impossible for us to feel the joy of the season.

I’m pretty sure just about all of us have experienced such “buyer’s regret” at one time or another in our lives when we have purchased something and thought twice about it after the fact. At other times of the year, if we bought something and had regrets about it afterwards, we could usually return it if we wished. But with holiday spending, this isn’t so easy, as most of our spending is on gifts for others, or on holiday consumables like food, drink and entertainment. We cannot return these items and get our money back.

So, how can we relieve ourselves from this stress and guilt?

It would be all too easy to say, “Just don’t spend as much next year.” Equally, it would be all too easy to say, “Don’t worry about it. It’s only money. You can’t take it with you, so spend it when you’ve got it.”

But the problem is, it doesn’t work like that. To say, “Just don’t spend as much” is about as effective as telling a smoker or a drinker, “Just don’t smoke/drink as much.” The truth is we are probably spending for reasons ever so subtle, we might not even be aware of them. And unless we understand our true motivation for matters to do with money, no amount of “Why don’t you just do this or that” will change our habits. Money is not actually the cause of our stress and guilt. It is how we think about ourselves in relation to money that is the culprit.

In this article, I will look at three common ways our relationship with money can cause stress in many people, especially during the holidays:

1. Misunderstanding the true nature of money
2. Using money as a substitute for authentic expression
3. Using money as a distorted measurement of our worth

What money is and what it is not
Our culture of consumerism seems to induce the feeling that we are dependent upon money, just the same way an addict feels dependent upon a particular substance. But the truth is we are not dependent upon money; we have only given our power away to it and come to believe we are.

Money is actually a convenience we human beings have created to enable us to place a quantifiable value upon things, so we can easily trade for whatever we want and need to make our lives fuller and happier. Our monetary system has helped us move from needing to determine an equivalent value for every single item or service we might wish to exchange with each other. It also made life a heck of a lot more practical and enabled us to create the modern world in which we currently live. For instance, I seriously doubt I would be sitting writing this article if, every day, I had to lug around a bucket of milk with me every time I wanted to get a loaf of bread, or whatever I happened to need. I’d have no time for self-development or writing articles!

Seen from this perspective, we can realise that money is actually a creation, a tool and a convenience we humans invented to make our lives easier and to give us more time to grow at a level of consciousness, rather than simply focus on survival all the time. I would go so far as to say that money is a “divinely inspired” creation. How ironic it is, therefore, that so many of us get into a panic and regress to a sub-human “survival mode” when it comes to thinking about money. Our fears and anxieties prevent us from seeing the divine nature of money. Some are so fearful and so blinded to the divine nature of money that they try to use money to gain power over others, either physically or psychologically, thus creating more stress, fear and anxiety in the world (for the most part, all those annoying “cold calls” you get from call centres are dependent upon your anxieties around money, and their entire ethos is built upon a distorted view of what money is).

But when we can see the divine nature of money, we are able to develop a genuinely healthy relationship with it. We come to understand that it can help us create a world in which we have time to explore the Self and find fulfilment at the Soul level, in whatever form that might mean to us. If we relate to it for any other reason (i.e., “I need money to pay my bills,” etc.) we are apt to feel inferior to and resentful towards it, and will tend to push it away from us, making our feelings of lack even greater.

So take a deep breath and start to see money from this perspective: as a wonderful creation whose sole purpose is to bring freedom and enlightenment to all human beings (not just the so-called “rich”). If we are feeling imprisoned by money, rather than free, it does not mean we need more money; it means we have not yet fully understood our authentic relationship with it.

How our perspective determines our relationship with money

Just as in our relationships with other people, it is important to cultivate a healthy relationship with money. If we view it as the evil Task Master, it will treat us as if it were one. If we view money with the spirit of creativity and choice, it changes our relationship entirely. Here’s an example: Let’s say I am walking down the High Street with £20 in my pocket and I unexpectedly see something I have been looking for that normally costs £20 but is on sale today only for £10. It’s a great bargain, but I know I have to go grocery shopping, and I usually spend £20 on food. I have a choice in how I react to it:

• I could tell myself, “I can’t afford that. I don’t have enough money,” and feel disempowered and limited.
• I could tell myself, “I’ll buy it and I’ll just have to live on canned soup and stale bread,” and feel impoverished, lacking and guilty.
• I could tell myself, “I’ll put it on a credit card. What difference will an extra £10 make?” and delude myself that I am in control, making my dependency problem even worse.
• I could tell myself, “I want to spend my money on food today, and I’ll come back next week for that,” and feel more empowered and at choice.
• I could tell myself, “I’ve really wanted that a long time, so I’ll buy that today, and when I do my grocery shopping, I’ll save money by leaving out all the packaged meals and treats, and stock up on my favourite fresh fruit and vegetables instead. I’ll even make the fruit and veg taste especially delicious by looking up some new recipes for them on the Internet,” and not only feel at choice, but feel I have created an exciting solution for myself.

The key to remember is that the more we are able to see money as a creative tool for our own fulfilment, rather than something that is both limited and limiting in our lives, the more we are able to develop a healthy relationship with it and free ourselves from stress. In other words, when we view money as a free-flowing energy that is meant to flow into us and through us from the world, we can then begin to allow it to come into our lives. I discuss the attribute of “Allowing” in the section called “The Principle of Receiving” in my book The Garden of the Soul. In order for things to flow into us, we must allow them to enter. Money is no different. If we view money as something that has control over us, we will block the barriers to it coming into our lives, and continue the vicious cycle of disconnection, lack, and helplessness.

Using money as a substitute for authentic expression
Just as it is important to understand our relationship with money, it is equally important to understand the reasons why we spend money, especially during the holiday season. Are we spending for the “wrong” reasons? For instance, are we using spending as a means to express our love? Buying gifts to express love is fine, but in some cases, spending becomes a substitute for actual expression of love. I have known many people in my life who found it difficult to express love outwardly, so they would buy gifts as a way to say what they felt they could not say with words or other actions. The result was that they would feel good when they were shopping for the gifts, but afterwards, their mood would dip seriously low.

I’ve observed several reasons why people who spend for the wrong reasons experience this mood swing. First, they feel as though they are unappreciated or misunderstood by the person(s) for whom they bought the gifts. This is because, whether consciously or not, they had replaced their ability to express their inner feelings with external gifts. But no gift can ever adequately express our feelings. And while the recipient of the gift might feel truly grateful, the gift can never say what the gift giver is truly feeling inside. In other words, gifts can only ever be an enhancement, not a replacement, of our emotional expression. If we use them to express what we feel incapable of expressing, we are likely to experience the “dip”. We might even feel that our feelings are not being reciprocated by the other person, but when our emotions are not clearly expressed, we are less likely to get the kind of response we are seeking.

The flow of natural self-expression is an attribute of “The Principle of Giving” in my book The Garden of the Soul. The key to understanding “Giving” is in understanding where it originates. In order to learn how to give authentically, we must first be able to tap into the resources of our own inner Self. All true giving starts there. If we use gift buying to avoid the flow of energy from our inner self into the outer world, we will always feel misunderstood, frustrated and “poor”.

If you are experiencing this kind of “dip” after you have completed you holiday spending, I encourage you to explore the enquiries:

1. What I am trying to say through my spending?
2. What other means can I use to express myself more clearly and openly?
3. What holds me back from being clear and open?

Money as a distorted measurement of our own worth
If you finally want to unlock the straight-jacket in which you have put yourself over money, it is vital that you take a good, honest look at how much of your opinion of yourself is entangled with your financial wherewithal. Ask yourself, “How much of my self-worth do I determine according to how much money I have?” You might not be completely conscious of the fact that you are doing this. But if you have fleeting thoughts that your house, job, clothes, car or other possessions are not good enough compared to other peoples’, or that you “should” have better things just because it feels like the rest of the world has more than you do (as opposed to wanting things because they are a part of your inner-most dreams), then you might be measuring your self-worth through your money.

If you find that you routinely use credit cards to get things that make you feel better, but then you feel guilty and stressed every time the bills come around, you are more than likely allowing money to be a distorted measurement of your own worth, whether consciously or not. It is highly important that we tap into “The Principle of Being” (another Principle from my book The Garden of the Soul) to nurture this distortion back to health. In my Garden of the Soul workshop, one of the things I do is take people through a “peeling the onion” exercise where they strip away all the layers of ego until they find the core of the Self, that is not dependent upon time, circumstance, status, money or any other external factor. When we can tap into that resource, we become resilient when stress over money begins to tighten its grip around us.

TODAY’S JOY FORMULA:
Turning Money Stresses into Joy

So many people on the media/Internet talk about “financial freedom”. Well, I have a different view of what this term means, and how to create it. So here’s your “Joy Formula” for this holiday to help you move from stress and anxiety over money and towards a more creative and empowered life:

• Explore the true nature of money as a creative energy that is here in the world to serve you and open up possibilities for self-awareness
• Understand the real reasons why you spend.
• Dive into the emotions you have been trying to express through your spending, and find ways to express them openly.
• Identify all the ways you have attached money to your own self-worth, and strip them away to find the true Self.
• Cut up your credit cards and learn to spend only what you have. This is possibly the most liberating thing I have ever done!
• Find creative ways to decrease your outgoings through refinancing and/or stopping spending on what is not bringing joy into your life.
• Sit down with a notepad write down all the things you could create that could result in more wealth flowing into your life.

And finally…

If you find yourself lying awake at night thinking about unpaid bills, stop your thoughts from running away, and start making a mental inventory of all the little things around your home that make your life fun and joyful. Don’t forget to count the blanket that is wrapped around you as one of them! Then, wrap the blanket more snugly around you, and nestle into a sweet slumber with a smile on your face.

In the next instalment of my “Holiday Survival Guide”
I’ll be talking about how to beat the blues of
FEELINGS OF ISOLATION during the Holiday Season.

Again, it’s not necessarily what you might think!
Be sure you check it out in 3 days’ time.

Like this article? Share it with others… AND be sure to leave your comments and your OWN holiday survival tips below.

5 Easy Ways to Beat the Blues and Feel Joyous this Holiday Season
by Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC

SO sorry this is late! I actually thought I had posted it before Christmas. So, you’ll be getting 2 posts back-to-back, one today, one tomorrow.

Today we continue our series of tips to help you beat the blues over the holidays:

1. Holiday Blues Number 1: Seasonal Affective Disorder (“SAD”) posted 6 December
2. Holiday Blues Number 2: Seasonal Illnessess, posted 10 Dec
3. Holiday Blues Number 3: Family “Dramas” (in today’s post)
4. Holiday Blues Number 4: Stress over Money (coming Monday 28 December)
5. Holiday Blues Number 5: Feelings of Isolation (coming Thursday 31 December)

TIP: If you want to receive all 5 articles, be sure to subscribe to this blog in the box on the right hand side of your screen.

Surviving Family Dramas during the Holiday Season
For many people, visiting with relatives during the holidays is a wonderful experience, because it allows them to reconnect with loved ones they might not ordinarily see during the rest of the year. But for many others, visiting with parents, siblings and extended family can bring out the worst in us. It’s as if we’ve travelled back in time. We might be the most powerful and respected person in our professional life, but somehow when we are around our childhood families, we change into blithering idiots. By dint of some inexplicable time-warp, we get caught up in the age-old “family dramas” that drive us absolutely batty and leave such a horrible aftertaste when we go back home to our “adult” world. Within minutes, we manage to regress into a juvenile version of ourselves that never shows up under any other circumstances. But what is worse is that we find it nearly impossible to get out of the age-old scripts we have played out since our youth.

Small wonder why I chose to speak about this in a Holiday Survival Guide!

Getting “hooked” into a role
When we get stuck into a family drama, I call it being “hooked.” The reason why we get hooked into our family dramas lies in the term “drama” itself. Think of what a drama is. It’s not merely a judgemental word; it’s actually a very accurate description of what is taking place. A drama is a complex story with complex characters. And our family dramas are no different. When we are hooked, it means we have taken on the role of one of these characters. And, yes, there are cliché roles in which people tend to be cast. In my course “Making Friends with the Monsters Under Your Bed”, I identify some of the typical roles people tend to play, such as “the good girl”, “the black sheep,” “the peacemaker”, “the clown”, “the bully”, “the victim”, “the martyr”, “the loser”, “the rebel”, “the misfit”, and so many others. Combine these with the added subtleties of our identity as being the only, the youngest, the eldest or the middle child (or girl/boy), and we find we really have created some pretty complex characters for ourselves.

Just as a drama on the stage or screen is dependent upon the chemistry and interaction (even if explosive) between the characters, so are our family dramas. Think of your favourite television drama or soap opera, and reflect on how some characters just can’t seem to stop triggering each other, whether passionately, violently or in some other way. So when we find ourselves shouting at someone, “I’m never like this except when I get around you,” it’s actually true. Our role is like a chemical reaction to the stimulus of coming in contact with another character in the play. Just as a good actor can play many different roles, from villain to lover to hero, with equal expertise when given the right script, so too we play different roles when we are working different “scripts” in our day-to-day lives. But the problem is, family scripts tend to get “written” very early in our development, and unless we become aware that we, and our family members, are all reading from the same old script year in and year out, we are unlikely to rewrite it.

How to stop it?
Well, the very first thing needed is to be able to recognise when you are hooked in a role. Simply by recognising your “default characters” when you slip into them can go a long way to making a shift away from them. How do you recognise it? Basically, if you feel weak, out of control, disconnected, ashamed, inauthentic, misunderstood, or incapable of expressing yourself, you might well be hooked in a role. Anger in and of itself is not necessarily a symptom, because anger can also come from an authentic, self-aware state of consciousness. The key is to be truthful about how connected and loving to your own Self you feel. If you do not feel connected and loving to Self, look deeper to see if you can recognise an underlying role.

Once you recognise and acknowledge you are playing one of your old, disempowering roles, notice what kinds of things trigger you. Don’t lay the blame (either outwardly or within your own mind) on another person. Remember: they are just as “hooked” as you are, and if you get entangled in the blame game, you will get nowhere. Instead, take note of the words and scenarios that tend to get you hooked. Really get to know what your triggers are, and take ownership of your reactions to them. It’s actually the most empowering thing you can do.

Realigning
Once you start to recognise your role and identify your triggers, the next thing to do is to practise “stepping aside” when triggers might be tossed your way. I call this “realigning.” If your “drama partner” hurls words at you that traditionally get you worked up, learn how to watch the words as if watching a film. One strategy I teach my clients is to use an anchoring word like, “STOP!” in your mind when you are on the verge of getting hooked. Silently, tell yourself, “Stop!” Some clients also like to use a hand gesture (like touching their thumb to their middle finger, or lightly touching their solar plexus) to bring them to that place of “stopping”. Then, take a breath and mentally step out of the “frame” of this drama, observing it without reacting.

This technique alone can be enough for some, but for others it only delays the outburst until later, because there is so much pent up anger and resentment that it simply has to come out. The aim of stopping is not to make you stuff your emotions or become submissive. It is to give you a breath, so you can bring the situation into your consciousness, and thus give you the ability to take control of your own choices. But if you are really, really hooked into your own drama, it is vital to explore the subtle forces inside of you that keep you attached to the role you play.

Why we cling to a role even if it makes us unhappy
Here’s one common example. If we find ourselves locked into a “victim” role or any role where we believe ourselves to be the “wronged one”, we might unconsciously be gripping very tightly onto that role because it satisfies a part of our identity. Why in the world would we wish to identify with being a victim? Simple. It makes us “right” and another person “wrong.” “But,” you might ask, “I am not a mean, vindictive person; why would I want to make someone else ‘wrong’?” The answer is because we feel weak and powerless inside. And when we feel powerless, this feeling of being “right” might well be the only glimmer of strength we are able to feel within ourselves. So, it makes perfect sense that we will hold onto this role for dear life because we have become so detached from ourselves we cannot see who we are without it. Basically, we are afraid. We fear our lives, if not our very existence, will become meaningless without the shield of being “right”.

And remember, if someone in your life always needs to be right (and it doesn’t matter if they are playing the role of a victim or a bully), that person is actually living with great fear. And here’s the key: when you can step outside the drama just long enough to see how much fear that person is feeling, you are far less likely to attack them or fear them yourself. And the instant you have stepped outside the drama, even for a second or two, and felt this compassion for the other person, you have begun to rewrite the script of your family drama. And that is when real relationships can begin.

TODAY’S JOY FORMULA:
Turning Family Drama into Joy

Here’s a simple Joy Formula for you to try out this holiday season:

• If you are feeling misunderstood, defensive, victimised or out of control, you are probably “hooked”. Don’t blame yourself or anyone else. Instead, congratulate yourself for recognising it.

• Take note of the “triggers” that get you hooked. Again, don’t fall into the blame game. It only gives your power away. Instead, take ownership for what you choose to do with those triggers.
• Use a silent mental anchoring word like “Stop” and/or hand gesture to break your pattern of reacting to the trigger.
• Breathe!
• Mentally step out of the scene and start to rewrite the script. Here are some ideas. Bad script formula: “You always make me feel x, y, z”
  • Bad script formula: “You’re always so x, y, z”
  • Good script formulas (in the right tone of voice, of course!): “I hear that you feel a, b, c when I said/did, x, y, z. What would really help me is to know what you would like me to say/do so you don’t feel this way” -OR- “When you said/did x, y, z, I feel a, b, c. I would really help me is if you said/did q, r, s.”
  • Note that what you DON’T want to say is that the person “made you” feel a certain way, or that the person is the problem. Focus on specific things the person said or did, tell them how the words or deed impact you (not making it their fault) and tell/ask them for what you want. This way, the person knows exactly what isn’t working for you, and you would like from them. Bear in mind that the other person might continue to play out the drama and not react very positively at first. If that happens, just keep rewriting the script. Believe me, if you do it enough times, the drama breaks and you start to speak to each other quite differently.

Being hooked by our unconscious roles and “old scripts” can frequently be so deep-rooted that people cannot easily identify them, even though they know something within them is causing much pain and heartache. The process of moving from unconsciousness to clarity and awareness is beyond the scope of this article, but if you want to explore it further, I do invite you to contact me for a consultation by filling in a request form at http://www.create-a-life.co.uk/free_consultation_request.html

I hope the information in this article has given you some useful tips for achieving greater joy over the holidays when you spend time with your families.

In the next instalment of my “Holiday Survival Guide”
I’ll be talking about how to beat the blues of
STRESS OVER MONEY (!) during the Holiday Season.

Again, it’s not necessarily what you might think!
Be sure you check it out TOMORROW.

Like this article? Share it with others… AND be sure to leave your comments and your OWN holiday survival tips below.

Allison Maslan, author of Blast off!

Author and Coach Allison Maslan Helps You ‘Blast Off’ in 2010

by Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC

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These days, the market is flooded with self-help books. Unfortunately, all too many of them leave me feeling dull and lifeless, and they don’t really “help” very much. Half of the books I come across hit you over the head with “power talk” that makes you feel guilty for not being rich or for getting the occasional cold (I won’t mention names, but I have indeed tossed more than one self-help book across the room because of this!). The other half usually drown you in lofty “woo woo” language that never quite gets down to practical action. Frustrating! For a new self-help book to stand out from the crowd and become keeper in my library, it would need to be friendly, engaging, fun AND practical. In other words, it would actually have to HELP me help myself. In her new book Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan to Launch Your Dreams into Reality, author, coach and registered homeopath Allison Maslan, has achieved exactly that. Her book is a step-by-step programme to achieving some of the most challenging and important goals in life: career, relationship, health, fun/adventure, and of course financial security. In my own experience as a coach, I know that when people wish to make positive changes in their lives in any of these areas, they can frequently feel overwhelmed. I know that there are two keys to helping them get started: 1) make the challenge feel light and fun and 2) break the challenge into smaller, and not so daunting, chunks. Maslan uses both of these strategies in her book Blast Off! Her creative and colourful use of language (Daily Launch Tools, Weekly Flight Assessments, etc) and her easy break-downs of tasks and targets (Sun-up Scripts, Mini-Feats, etc) give Blast Off! a quality of lightness that helps readers believe they can and will achieve their goals and aspirations. But most importantly, Maslan keeps the reader focussed on the bigger picture: life purpose and the path of your whole life. Thus, unlike other books that might just focus on one aspect of life, like money, relationships or health, Blast Off! is a holistic handbook for creating the life you want to live. Written with a charm that immediately makes you feel at home, Allison avoids the downfalls of so many other self-help authors (no condescending “power talk”, no airy-fairy stuff). With Blast Off!, Allison Maslan has written an accessible, inviting and honest handbook, with a sweet, down-to-earth charm and practical action steps. The combination results in something that is both believable and useful. In other words, this is one self-help book that actually IS showing you how to help yourself. Blast Off!, along with the excellent organised companion Workbook, is kind of like having a life coach in a book. Certainly worth checking out to enhance your New Year’s resolutions in 2010.

Blast Off! The Surefire Success Plan to Launch Your Dreams into Reality by Allison Maslan is coming to Amazon on 19 January 2010. I have joined up with over 20 other mind-body-spirit professionals to help celebrate the release of this special book. Together, we are giving away an array of very special gifts to everyone who purchases the book during its launch. To find out how you can receive these gifts, go to http://www.myblastoff.com/booklaunch.

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