I met Marianne in London in June 2002. She had come to attend an event I had helped to organise at the now-defunct Borders Books on Oxford Street. The event was a talk given by my then Indian guru from Calcutta, accompanied by music and chanting led by a party of temple musicians.
At the end of the programme, Marianne came up to me and introduced herself by her spiritual name: Maharani. I also introduced myself to her by my initiated spiritual name at the time: Lalita. Maharani had been part of the Hare Krishna movement, and had since joined up with a splinter group, which had many western devotees, headed by another Indian guru. My guru had very few western disciples at that time, having spent most of his life’s work preaching throughout India, and this was his first visit to England.
I cannot remember much about what she and I spoke about that day, except the fact that we were both musicians. We exchanged contact information quickly, because I had to dash off and escort our guests back to the cars to take them back to their UK host’s home.
Maharani called me, and over time we became friends. That autumn, I was going through a rough time in my life, and a few months later my marriage of 22 years, which had been tumultuous for a long time, ended. Like Maharani, my former husband had been a member of the Hare Krishna society. After my husband and I split, I found it very difficult to be around anyone from those circles, and I kept my distance. Because of this, I asked we could call each other our western names—Marianne and Lynn—rather than our spiritual names. This was fine with her.
One day Marianne came to visit me at my work. I was working as a music technology teacher in Tottenham, a notoriously rough area of North London, where the infamous riots were to break out in 2011. We spoke about our experiences in the music industry. It was only then I found out she was actually a well-known punk singer, who went by the name of Poly Styrene from the band X-Ray Spex. I had never heard of the band, having been in Texas and not into punk at the time of their heyday in the mid 1970s. I had no idea how famous she was; nor did I have any idea of what her music sounded like. To be honest, while I found her past fascinating, I was really only interested in who she was in that moment, and I was happy to have found a new friend.
After my marriage ended, Marianne was very kind in listening to my grief as I struggled with the many inner and outer changes I was dealing with during the first year of my divorce. In 2003, when I finally got the courage to write to my guru to tell him why I had divorced—that I had been a battered wife for more than two decades—I never received a reply from him or from anyone else at the temple. Marianne was one of the few people with whom I could speak about this heartache, because she understood the temple culture without me having to explain. She gave me space to express both my anger and my pain. I remember one day when I was particularly upset, she led me through a visualisation over the phone. She wanted to help me let go of the past with love and grace, so she had me visualise my ex-husband enveloped in a beautiful, sparkling pink bubble. Then, we floated it in the air and we let him go, as we said together,
“Love and Light! Love and Light!”
I must admit I resisted this, as I was still full of blame and hurt in my heart. Nonetheless, I can still see that beautiful pink bubble and I remember Marianne’s soft voice as she guided me with love and affection.
Over the coming year, just as my life started to settle down a bit, Marianne’s life seemed to become more shaken up. I went to visit her in East Dulwich, where she was living at the time, and we went out to a café and had a long chat. She shared many heart-rending stories of different traumas and hardships she had endured in her youth. She also told me she had bipolar disorder, but to be honest, at that time I really didn’t know what that meant (a few years later, my own daughter was diagnosed with it, and I have come to understand it better). She really opened up to me and I could feel we had become good friends.
One time, Marianne and I were riding on the London Underground, and a woman beggar came up to us. Without hesitation, Marianne handed her a £2 coin. She told me that she always gave money to beggars, especially women. She said she didn’t care whether or not they were “real” beggars or fakes. “I give them the benefit of the doubt,” she said. She told me she herself had once been homeless, living rough on the streets when she was young. She said there was a time she had been so poor she had no shoes. The cold and exposure to the elements were so servere that her toenails fell off. She said, “I often thought if someone, just someone, would come along and help me, I could get out of this horrible situation. But most people just looked at me like I was dirt and walked away. I decided I would never treat people that way.” Since those experiences, she always gave money to women beggars.
Over the following months, I began to see the implications of Marianne’s bipolar disorder. She called me serveral times in the middle of the night during her “manic” phases. One time she called me at 2AM from a phone booth in Glastonbury, hundreds of miles from London where we both lived. She said she was confused and couldn’t figure out how she had gotten there. Then, she suddenly got agitated and she had to go find a church because the angels had told her if she didn’t, her daughter (who was in Australia) would be in grave danger. She sounded full of panic and very upset. Abruptly, before I could find out where she was, she hung up the phone. I was worried because I didn’t know how to find her or how I could help her. Later she told me that some “very nice police officers” found her and brought her to a nearby hospital. Apparently, she had run out of medication, which caused her mania to flare up.
I soon learned that Marianne’s bipolar disorder was usually fine as long as she was on her medication, but if she went off it for any period of time, these kinds of episodes would inevitably recur. One time the police had found her wandering around again, and she was brought to a hospital in East London. She had been there a few days (and back on medication) when I went to visit her one Saturday afternoon. She seemed so normal and happy—like the Marianne I knew. Throughout the afternoon, I saw many of the other patients coming in and out of the common room. They were obviously seriously ill, and needed continuous care. But Marianne seemed fine, now she was back on her medication. I said to her, “You don’t belong here. You should be home. Why are they keeping you here?” She told me it was a voluntary facility, which meant she could leave any time she wanted. But the problem was, she’d need a doctor’s signature to get released, and as it was the weekend, the doctor wouldn’t be in until Monday or Tuesday. Then, a friend of hers (who owned a car and had driven there) came to visit. Together, we conspired to get Marianne out of the hospital and back home that afternoon. We gathered her clothes in a laundry bag, sneaked her out and drove off, my heart pounding all the way. Marianne seemed so relaxed and happy when she got home, so I really don’t care if our great escape was “against hospital rules”.
Marianne eventually moved out of London into a cottage in the seaside town of St Leonard’s near Hastings. In the summer of 2004, she invited me to stay with her for a few days. I remember how lovely she was when she met me at the train station, saying how much younger and happier I looked now. We had a fabulous time together, walking along the shore and chatting day and night.
Her cottage home was very sweet. In sharp contrast to her “punk hero” public image, her home was always fresh, aesthetically beautiful and full of light. She had a real talent for home decorating and every element of her home looked purposeful and appealing. One evening, after visiting her mom for a little while, Marianne and I went to a pub—the oldest in Hastings. We talked about life, relationships and all the “normal” things friends do. I remember we walked home around midnight, and there was a brilliant silver full moon over the sea. It was a very warm evening and we stood watching the black waves reflect the moonlight for a while. When I got back to London later that week, I wrote about the scene, and some of the descriptions from that vignette found their way into my 2009 book the Garden of the Soul.
The final night, Marianne and I stayed up late talking. She confided in me about unusual auditory events she experienced. I’m pretty sure doctors would probably explain them away as “auditory hallucinations” stemming from her bipolar disorder. But she called them angels. She described the many different angels she heard and occasionally saw. She described their beautiful white feather wings. She described how safe and wonderful she felt around them. I looked around her room, and noticed how her little cottage home seemed to reflect her love for these angels. She trimmed her dressing table with white netting and white feathers. Her curtains were gossamer fabrics in whites and purples.
I have to admit, I felt uncomfortable when she spoke about angels. I didn’t know how to respond to her, or indeed what to think about it. Was the fact I had witnessed her bipolar episodes making me sceptical? Or was my hurt from my past “spiritual” background making me unable to hear about such things? There were so many variables clouding my own perception, so how could I possibly be a judge of what was real or unreal? But most of all, why did I feel the need to judge? What was more important: to find a rational explanation, or to honour my friend’s experience?
I decided our friendship was more important than my own need to find a logical explanation to her angelic experiences. So, I stayed up late that night, listening to all she had to say about it. I asked her what her own feelings and thoughts were about these angels, rather than asserting any of my own. Like she gave beggars “the benefit of the doubt”, I wanted to give Marianne the benefit of the doubt too.
She was my friend.
But the next day, one of Marianne’s female friends from her religious community came over for breakfast. The two of them began to speak in the devotee “jargon” I had heard for so many decades. I realised that the Marianne I knew was not the one she showed to “devotees”, and that she was still very much involved in a world I had left, with great emotional pain, two years earlier. Almost instantly I felt myself shut down and pull away. I was not longer being open, fun, accepting and loving, but rather closed, fearful, judgemental and self-protective.
Then, Marianne’s friend asked me to join them for a “women only” spiritual event coming up. I knew she was being friendly, but as I was going through my own “clearing” process after my split from the temple, I couldn’t respond with anything but discomfort. They seemed baffled as to why I refused their invitation, but I couldn’t say anything. I felt like the delightfulness of the past three days had suddenly collapsed and washed away like a sand castle.
It was time to go back home. Marianne and her friend walked me to the station to catch my train back to London. We were all friendly, and hugged each other goodbye. But inwardly I knew I was acting different—sort of phoney and defensive. I wasn’t being myself. I couldn’t seem to snap out of it.
In 2005, I took a job in Bedford and moved out of London. One day after I left, Marianne called my house while my daughter was still living there. My daughter told her I had moved out. Marianne said, “Please tell her I called.”
But I didn’t call Marianne back. It was not due to anything she had done. I simply couldn’t be around anything that reminded me of my former spiritual community. But I couldn’t express this to her. In those days, the only way I knew how to deal with uncomfortable emotions was avoidance. The very sad truth is that I stayed away from Marianne because I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable around the Hare Krishna culture.
How ironic that the very thing that had first brought us together ultimately sent us on different paths.
Turn the clock ahead to today: March 3rd, 2012. Since 2005, my life has changed in so many ways. I am happy, stable and have found my own peace with the past, love for the present, and trust in the future. And for some reason, I really don’t know why, today I decided to try to find Marianne on Facebook.
After several searches and alternate spellings, I couldn’t find her under her name. So then, I tried Googling her stage name “Poly Styrene” to see if I could get a current email address. It was then I saw a long list of eulogies from every major newspaper and television station saying Marianne Elliot-Said, aka Poly Styrene, had died from a very aggressive form of breast cancer 10 months ago, on 25th April 2011. From the reports, it sounds like it all happened very fast, as she died only two months after she was diagnosed. The cancer had spread rapidly into her spine and lungs.
It was then I finally saw her music videos from the 70s, and even her most recent gigs. I read all about how influential she had been as one of the few female punk artists of her day. They made a big deal about the fact that she was mixed race. She used to tell me how she had struggled with being mixed race, but for some reason I never “saw” it, if you know what I mean. She was just Marianne. But now, in the press, it was made to be a really big deal. All kinds of famous people were talking about her as their friend. The person I saw presented by reporters was an entirely different person from the woman I knew.
It was really weird. I felt like she “belonged” to the world. My friendship with her seemed very insignificant.
I wondered if she had ever thought about me. I wondered if she remembered me with fondness at all, or if I had hurt her. Now, I would never be able to ask her these things.
You might wonder how I had not heard about this at the time she died. Admittedly, I don’t own a TV and I don’t read newspapers. And in spite of being very active on the social networks, for some reason I hadn’t noticed the news on Twitter or Facebook.
Even if I had caught the news of her death at the time, it wouldn’t have felt much different from how I feel today. Marianne had been my friend, but because I was going through my own “stuff” back then, I allowed us to lose track of each other. Now she’s gone. She was only 53. I could never have imagined she’d leave the world so young. I took her presence for granted, thinking I had time to rekindle our friendship someday, when I felt more relaxed around that past.
But time ran out.
My heart ached and I broke into tears.
I needed to get out of the house, so I went for a walk along the River Great Ouse here in Bedford, which usually helps to clear my head. I looked at the trees, just starting to bud with the first signs of spring. I looked at the black waters, always flowing downstream. I thought,
Life is endless. We come into the world and leave it. We cross each other’s paths, leave our imprint upon each other and then take our leave. Perhaps we remain together throughout our lives; perhaps we come in contact for only a few moments. No matter which, we inevitably will take leave of each other’s company on this physical plane.
But while those we may have loved might appear to come and go, what connects us all is this endless flow we call Life. Within that flow, nothing ever leaves us; their imprint upon us continues forever. It flows from us, to another and another, just as the river flows continuously to the sea, back to the Source, and back again to the river.
Taking some solace from these thoughts, I left the river and walked through a little patch of wooded area nearby. The Daffodils were starting to sprout, and the cool Earth was damp and slightly muddy. The sound of birds in the late afternoon surrounded me.
I found myself saying aloud,
“Marianne, did I hurt you?”
And then, I could feel the cool, uplifting sensation of white feather angel wings springing from the back of my shoulders, and pink champagne bubbles sparkling around my face. Like a joyful sorrow, I felt embraced by something unseen.
And I heard Marianne say,
“Love and Light!”
Goodbye, my friend. I am so glad I knew you, even if only for a very short time. Fly with the angels, Poly Styrene.
Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 7 of the Virtual Blog Tour of Hay House author Dr Roy Martina, whose book Emotional Balan6ce: the path to inner peace and harmonycomes to Amazon on Tuesday March 15, 2011.
Roy Martina is a holistic medical doctor with over 30 years experience helping people tap into their true selves and “cure the incurable” by understanding the connection between emotional balance and dis-ease. He is the author of over 40 books in Dutch and other languages. He has spent the last 25 years studying acupuncture and numerous holistic techniques in order to offer people a profound level of healing, and he has been tireless in his pursuit of methods that work swiftly and effectively to aid the healing process. This work has put him at the leading edge of the holistic and self-help world.
Today, I’d like to share with you a recent interview I had with Roy when I got to ask him on questions relating to personal and social transformation. I hope you enjoy it.
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Lynn Serafinn: In your experience, what are some of the common misunderstandings people have about the term “personal transformation”? What is the actual meaning?
Roy Martina: From my medical holistic standpoint, personal transformation can be disease forming. If someone believes that they need to be in their power and be able to do what they want, this can lead to suppression of emotions and thus be the cause of suppression of the immune system. My research shows that the only way to transform is to return to your authentic self because that is the state of being where there is no conflict between whom you are and the false image you create of yourself.
Many schools of personal transformation help people create a false persona they need to become and give them the tools to program their brains to be in that state. Often these pathways are immune depressing and cause many types of diseases. I have treated many leaders of motivation movements and self-development and understood that when we do not find the way to our authentic self we step into false power beliefs that make us sick. Personal transformation is the path of unlearning the beliefs that take us away from our unconditional loving authentic self.
Lynn Serafinn: What are the top 3 most important keys to help us transform? How can we access them?
Roy Martina: The most important 3 keys:
1. Become aware when you are not connected with your Authentic Self. You will notice because you are not at peace, you don’t feel happy and you take things personal and that creates stress)
2. The next step is to have the power or tool to let go of where you are and to find a way to return to inner peace and harmony. So the idea is that you step out of the turmoil, reconnect and from that still point look at the whole situation again but now through the eyes of the Authentic Self and discover the power of the subconscious mind and the false self-image. 3. The third step is to train your nervous system through exercises like Emotional Balance to become at ease to maintain the still point and to make choices from this power. And let go anything from the past experiences and education that block you to keep that power of authenticity.
Lynn Serafinn: There is so much talk today about conscious evolution, especially with all the 2012 “hype” in the media. What’s your personal stance on conscious evolution? What is it? Is it really happening? Where do you think humanity is headed?
Roy Martina: I am seeing the increase of the effects of conscious evolution in the media (TV programs, magazines, movies, social media, books, etc) but what is lacking is the subconscious evolution. In spiritual groups I see that most people are aware how they want to be, but when they get stressed, they fall back in subconscious patterns of jealousy, fear, anger and worries. Many struggle financially and do not really know how to make the law of attraction work for them even though consciously they understand. So we are heading in the right direction but have to shift from conscious to subconscious evolution. 2012 is a great moment in history because we make it so by the hype, so now it has become inevitable a tipping point for the better or the worse. Only history will tell.
Lynn Serafinn: If you could use your healing process to shift one thing in humanity, what would that be? How can we as a society begin this process together?
Roy Martina: The big shift that needs to happen is that most the so called ‘holistic therapists’ need to stop calling themselves ‘holistic’ (because they are not) and start to study true holistic healing. The biggest shift is when we learn to forgive and to let go the past and focus on opening our hearts. The power of healing begins not with loving oneself because that is impossible. To say ‘I love myself’ is an enigmatic paradox: who is the I and who is the self? If the “I” is pure love how can it NOT love itself? If the self is the human form why does it need to be loved if it is held together by love (itself)? We need to become the authentic expression of ourselves and that is the expression of love.
If we can make that shift in healing, we will learn that all that we resist in life is the cause of disease. Stop the resistance to express your Authentic Self and you become the source of healing of the human self (your body, mind and soul) and others.
When you visit the page at the link above and request a “launch reminder”, you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Roy’s 4-day “Emotional Balance Telesummit” with a line up of 10 TOP international experts on the topic of emotional healing and inner balance. You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast. This is a completely free “no purchase necessary” gift from Roy, to celebrate the release of the new Hay House publication of his book.
FREE GIFTS
Then, if you decide to you buy the book during its official launch celebration on Tuesday March 15, 2011, you can ALSO receive a complete library of over 40 beautiful personal development gifts from authors, speakers, healers, coaches and other enlightened professionals from around the globe including one from me: 4 Audio Meditations from the Garden of the Soul Workshop
Thanks for reading! As usual, please feel free to share your comments and thoughts below. I love reading your feedback.
AND… be sure to follow Roy tomorrow when the next stop on the Virtual Blog Tour is Cindy Eve who will be interviewing Roy on questions relating to affirmations, gratitude journal and self-sabotage. To visit that “stop” on the tour, go to http://wp.me/pGa6q-y8
Transformation coach Lynn Serafinn shares life experiences with fear and its impact upon her health, and tells us about Luis Diaz’s new course on releasing fear.
PLEASE share this article with others.
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A few months ago, I wrote an article for my volunteer Transition Town group in which I shared my thoughts upon the link between oil dependency, disconnection, fear and suffering:
Our dependency upon oil has made us disconnected from the Earth and the ultimate Source of Creation in just so many ways. Most of us in “developed” nations (an irony) don’t grow our own food and have become dependent upon big businesses and mass transport (i.e., supermarkets, trucking, air freight) for the very basics that keep us alive. In the past, all we were dependent upon was the weather for our “daily bread”. But nowadays, we are dependent not only upon the ever-changing weather patterns, but also upon oil, global economies, foreign policy and corporations. What a vulnerable place in which to be! And to me, as someone who works with people and their emotions on a daily basis in my work as a life coach and teacher, I know the emotional and physical impact of long-term vulnerability. People begin to feel helpless. Helplessness leads to fear. Fear leads to depression and even disease. It can also lead to violence and crime.
While these words were originally written to support my observations about the connection between oil dependency and our wellbeing at a societal level, on a very personal level I have witnessed over and over again how feelings of helplessness lead to fear, and how fear ultimately leads to depression, disease and overall unhappiness.
I grew up in a fear-riddled household in which it felt like the roof was going to explode at any given minute. I was educated in a fear-driven parochial school where beating children (and in front of their peers) was still the norm. Later, I went on to enter a violent marriage and stayed there for 22 years, continually walking on eggshells, fearful of the next outbreak of rage. My lifelong relationship with fear had caused me to become so disconnected I didn’t even realise I had suffered multiple cases of whiplash as a result of abuse (I was diagnosed years later), which still case health issues today. It is small wonder that by the age of 40, I was diagnosed with a case of fibromyalgia so severe I felt like I was 80 years old. When my rheumatologist told me there was no cure or treatment, I broke down into a flood of uncontrollable tears at the thought of living for the rest of my life in such extreme, constant pain.
Fear is arguably the most primordial emotion of all living beings, and for human beings, I believe it is at the root of many other emotions such as anger, shame, sadness, uncertainty of self and chronic anxiety. Without a doubt, it has profound effects upon both our physical and spiritual wellbeing.
For me, I discovered the link between fear and health after I left my marriage, and started to notice that my fibromyalgia, by which I had been seriously impaired for 7 or 8 years, was vanishing day by day, until it was completely gone. I also noticed that I no longer suffered from heart palpitations, night-time panic attacks, severe digestive disorders and relentless back problems.
To give a complete comparison, these days my back problems still flare up from time to time, which is understandable after more than 20 decades of physical violence. But while, in the past, these problems were my constant companion every day of the year, nowadays I have a minor flare up once every year or two, and my body is able to heal after a single osteopathic treatment. In the past, when my life was overwhelmed with fear and anger, my body was so resistant to healing I would typically have to go to the chiropractor two or three days every week for years and the spasms and pain never totally stopped.
Looking back upon my experiences, I am 100% convinced that fear, and all the chemical and neurological by-products of it, had been deeply lodged in the very cells of my body for many decades. And I cannot tell you how lucky I feel that I finally woke up one day back in 2002 and started my long process of healing. I fumbled my way through it and discovered these things as I went along. It took me about 6 years to heal from fear fully, and believe me I really WORKED at it very hard, with personal development training (including my coaching training) coming out of my ears.
In other words, I did it the “hard way”: on my own, not sure of where I was headed, and taking years to get there.
That’s why, when I met my client (and now good friend) Luis Angel Diaz, and he told me about the work that he does, I was extremely enthusiastic.
Luis is arguably one of the world’s foremost authorities on emotional healing, and has been a holistic health practitioner since his early 20s with qualifications in dozens of traditional and holistic therapies. Those of you who have followed my work will also recognise him as the author of the international #1 best-seller Memory in the Cells: how to change behavioral patterns and release the pain body. He is also the founder of a technique called “Cellular Memory Release” (CMR). Over the years he has worked with thousands of clients at his three successful practices in Argentina and California, helping them transform their long-term pain and illness into aliveness and joy.
The goal of Luis’s work is basically to take people from where I was back in 1995 to where I am today—without going it on their own, or taking years to get there, like I did. The CMR process is a teachable process where people learn how to identify their emotions, experience them fully and release them, so they can make room for the self-healing their bodies already know how to do naturally.
I’ve done several online events with Luis over the past few months, and I am delighted to be able to invite him back to my radio show this week on Blog Talk Radio:
I hope you’ll tune in. You can even ask Luis questions live on the air via the chat room, Skype or by calling in on the phone at 646-727-3449 (US Number).
And then, for those of you who want take this process further, I do encourage you to check out Luis’s 2-session course that starts next week:
Releasing Toxic Emotions from Our Bodies
How to Transform FEAR into Inner Peace, Joy and Wellbeing
TuesdayDec 7 and Tuesday Dec 14
PLUS full forum support
http://tinyurl.com/fear-dec2010
This course normally costs $197
But this December ONLY Luis is offering it at the discount price of only $157
AND if you tune into the show today (or listen to the audio replay before Friday), you’ll find out how you can apply for one of 20 $100 scholarships he will be giving away to attend this course for only $97. Tune into the show for full details, or check out the registration page above for more info.
Hope you’ll be joining us on the show!
Wishing you a lifetime connection, wellbeing and joy,
Lynn
About Lynn Serafinn, Creator of Spirit Authors
Lynn Serafinn is a transformation coach, book promotion coach, radio host and bestselling author of the book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. She also works as a campaign manager for mind-body-spirit authors and has produced several top-10 book campaigns, including FOUR #1-sellers, in 2010 alone. She created Spirit Authors to offer training, coaching, business-building and inspiration for mind-body-spirit authors, whether established or aspiring. Contact Lynn about YOUR book project at at http://spiritauthors.com/contact.
Be sure to subscribe to this blog for regular book writing and promotion tips (just fill in form at right of your screen).
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Lynn explores the many ways our inner fears contribute to our stopping short of unbridled Joy in our lives.
PICTURED LEFT: photo of an actual wooden “stairway to heaven” ascending more than 50 metres, used by the famous “Voladores de Papantla” in Central America, whose breathtaking annual springtime “flying” ritual is famous worldwide.
A few years ago, I enrolled on a mega-personal-development course where I had to complete a series of physical challenges, many involving heights. One of the first challenges was to climb up to a balance beam about 25 feet high and walk across it–blindfolded. Of course, there was absolutely no danger involved, as all of us had secure harnesses attached to our bodies, with a team of strong people ensuring our safety at all times. But the ego-mind is very good at creating its own messages, even if your logical brain knows you are perfectly safe. And what is so interesting is that the messages it creates might not have anything whatsoever to do with the current situation. In all likelihood, you might find yourself replaying some very old “tapes” in your head that you might not even have thought of for years.
And that is precisely what happened to me. As I got close to the top of the pole I was climbing to get up to the balance beam, I suddenly froze. There was no way I could bring myself to make those few last steps to stand up on that beam.
Why?
Because all I could think of when faced with the prospect of walking across that 25-foot high plank of wood were images of me in 10th Grade, as I wobbled fearfully along a 3-foot high balance beam in my P.E. class, and the teacher made fun of me in front of the class saying, “Serafinn, you’re fat and you’re useless. Can’t you do anything?”
And as I replayed that mouldy, old tape (which I hadn’t even realised I still carried with me), the voices in my head said, You have NEVER been able to walk across a balance beam in the past, and you will NEVER walk across this one either. Your body is fat and useless. Don’t’ even think about this. Get OUT now!
Totally “triggered” by this inner drama, an overwhelming sense of panic, shame and sheer terror made me freeze. I simply couldn’t move. I shouted down to my course leader, “No, no, I can’t do this. I know I can’t. I’m bailing. I need to get down NOW.” And immediately I let go of the pole and sailed down to the ground on my guide ropes (even letting go was a challenge). When I landed, my entire body shook uncontrollably from the adrenaline flooding my every muscle. My legs collapsed under me and my hands were in intense pain from all the stress hormones.
My hands shaking the whole time, I took out my journal and wrote for a few minutes, exploring my flurry of emotions around this strange experience. But later, when I returned to watch some of the others on the course, I noticed that many people started out scared to death, but became elated when they got on top of, and eventually across, the beam. As I watched, I saw they were actually enjoying themselves in spite of–or maybe even because of–the fear.
My sense of “shame” and “failure” made me angry–at myself. I realised I had convinced myself I would fail, and had deprived myself of the elation others were experiencing when they had gone past their own limits.
I harnessed this anger as I approached the next challenge–climbing now a 30-foot telephone pole to the top. It looked REALLY high! But this time, I was not going to stop. I growled with anger. I shouted. I grunted. I swore. I told myself I WILL make it to the top. I will. I will. I will.
And after overcoming a few obstacles here and there along the way, I climbed just high enough to touch the “cookie” on the top of the pole. I was really happy, and felt so proud of myself.
But then, my course leader called up to me and said, “That’s great, Lynn! So, what do you want to do now?
“Now?” I asked. “But I’ve already reached the top. What do you mean?”
“Well, would you like to stand on TOP of the pole too?”
In my head, I was saying, What? On top? You want me to stand up on top of a 10-inch diameter surface 30 feet in the air? Are you kidding?
But what I replied was, “Uh, no thanks, I’m happy enough with this.” And I took a moment to hug the pole, which had carried me to the top.
I came down feeling really proud of myself. After all, I hadn’t bailed out of the challenge. But in spite of feeling happy, I noticed I didn’t feel that real rush of elation I saw others express who did choose to stand atop the pole and free-fall down to earth (on the guide ropes, of course).
After meditating upon this, I began to understand that the thing that had stopped me short of that elation was my perspective. I had viewed climbing onto the top of the pole as a danger that threatened my happiness; I didn’t want to ruin my happiness by trying something so risky. But actually, the Universe was offering me the opportunity to experience more joy. But I chose not to receive it– for the moment.
Fortunately, I had the chance to stretch my limits one last time a few months later. This time, the challenge was a 35-foot high tightrope walk! But this wasn’t just a solo walk. I had to synchronise my walk with a partner who was walking on another rope a fair distance across from me, using a balancing pole.
Well, let me tell you, every single step I took climbing up to the tightrope made my heart POUND with sheer terror! But by this time, I had finally learned how to stop, acknowledge the fear, wait a moment, and continue. When I finally stepped onto the tightrope, I was completely and utterly thrilled. I had never actually STOOD so high up before, what to speak of being on a narrow, unstable wire, and working with a partner to boot!
Every step we took together was a sheer (terrifying) joy.
But then, when we got just past the halfway mark, one of my feet slipped off the wire, and for safety reasons I was instructed to let go of the pole and glide back down to the ground.
As I touched down, I felt, at long last, the rush, the elation, the sheer ecstatic JOY I had previously only witnessed in others. My partner and I were jumping up and down and hugging each other, delighted that we had survived the challenge without quitting, even if we hadn’t made it all the way across. I was buzzing. I was alive. I was so pleased with myself for mastering the art of walking WITH fear instead of fighting against it.
But then, our course leader came over to us and asked, “You two were the first in the group to do this activity, and other people have learned from watching what you did. Would you like another chance to try it again later?”
And do you know what my brain said?
It said, What if you go up and you cannot get past your fear this time? Then, it will take away all the joy you are experiencing now. No, don’t do it again. You don’t need to finish the task. You have enough joy for now.
Enough joy??
That was 3 years ago, and a heck of a lot about me has changed since then.
Looking back on it now, I can see that while I definitely had made some major breakthroughs during that whole process, what I had not yet fully learned was the depth of my own willingness to accept less than the very best for myself. I seemed to be satisfied with overcoming my obstacles, rather than being passionately desirous of true, unfettered joy. And this was not limited to physical challenges–it actually entered into every aspect of my life: from career and financial success, to health, to love, to fun, to spiritual fulfilment.
And I as looked around me, I saw I was not the only one.
Everywhere I looked, I could see people living lives in which they felt “happy enough” by:
Focussing on getting out of financial hardship versus wanting to create genuine wealth
Focussing on overcoming physical ailments versus wanting to create true health and vitality
Focussing on resolving conflict versus wanting to create true intimacy
Focussing on “making a living” versus wanting to create a lasting legacy
Nope. Not anymore. Not me. No more “happy enough.”
Now, I’m ready to stand on top of that telephone pole–to feel the ecstasy of reaching “The Pinnacle.”
And on that note, I would like to invite you to join me and my very good friend, Allison Maslan for a warm and wonderful 2-session teleseminar called:
(*Please note, this is a date change from previous announcement)
On these two calls, we’ll be talking about 10 secrets that help you reach your Pinnacle in your business and your personal life, so you never find yourself settling for being “happy enough” again.
I hope to see you there!
P.S.: And if you’re REALLY serious, Allison also has a great new mastermind group called “The Pinnacle Program.” It’s starting in January in San Diego, California. I’ll be there (for sure!). Have a look and apply if you want to join us at http://tinyurl.com/PinnacleProgram
Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day number 5 of the Virtual Blog Tour for Memory in the Cellsby author Luis Angel Diaz.
Newly translated from the popular Spanish edition, author Luis Diaz describes his book Memory in the Cells as “where Eckhart Tolle meets What the Bleep Do We Know, but taking you on a much more practical journey.” He says Memory in the Cells teaches “emotional education” and shows the reader how to transform the “pain body” into the “joy body”, helping to heal all aspects of their lives.
For today’s stop on the tour, I decided to ask Luis some questions about how to utilise both “positive” and “negative” emotions in our lives so we can find happiness and fulfilment.
* * * * *
Lynn: I heard you say once that “Self betrayal is a cultural habit”. Can you explain what you mean by that and give some examples?
Luis: The process starts with the disconnection between mind and body in each of us. I’ll give you some examples: We say things that we don’t feel or feel things that we don’t express. We do things we don’t want to do and then we don’t follow through. We want something but we don’t ask for it, and then we get mad because we didn’t get it! We say yes when we want to say know and then we resent others for that. We don’t set boundaries but then we blame others when they crossed them. We betray ourselves each time we are not honoring our truth and we pretend to feel, to think or to do what is not coherent with ourselves. The result is unhappiness and disease no matter what we do to try to change it.
Lynn: You also say that “positive and negative feelings are both necessary.” How do you help people embrace their painful feelings rather than avoid them?
Luis: We human beings do everything based on our needs and values, but only 100% of the time! Therefore our values rule our life. Let´s say; “freedom”: if we lose it, we feel sad, angry or afraid. But if we have it; we’ll feel open, trusting, creative and happy. The same happens with all other human values; love, respect, honesty, trust, compassion. If I have them, I feel great. If I don’t, I feel horrible.
Then, negative and positive feelings are both indispensable to tell me where I am in relation with my values in life. How far or close I am from them. Then, feelings both positive and negative are our guidance system and without them, we are totally lost.
Lynn:You mention that people can get addicted to emotions. Can you give some examples of that? What happens to us when we are addicted to certain emotions? How can we get “unaddicted” and what benefit will this bring to us?
Luis: Addiction is a strong word, but it works in this case. What really happen is that we create deep habits and we keep repeating them automatically endlessly. We are addicted to anger when we are irritable and frustrated most of the time. We may be addicted to fear if we are anxious and worry frequently. Behind a habit like this, there is always a pay off or a benefit that is deep rooted in our subconscious and the first step to change is always; AWARENESS. Then it comes the deactivation of the pattern and after that the reconditioning based on my main priorities set by my values.
* * * * *
I hope you enjoyed this interview with Luis Angel Diaz and that you’ll check out his new bookMemory in the Cells, which is coming to Amazon on Tuesday October 5, 2010. You can receive a complete library of beautiful personal development gifts when you buy the book on the day of its launch, including one from me: a free mini eCourse called “Making Friends with the Monsters Under Your Bed”, which can help you start to recognise your limiting beliefs so you can move past whatever emotions might be keeping you stuck in areas of your life.
In addition, Luis is hosting a very special FREEtelesummit entitled “Healing at a Cellular Level” on September 27th, 28th and 29th with a distinguished panel of some of today’s most inspiring authors and speakers on the topic of emotional healing and holistic wellbeing. If you’d like to attend, all you have to do is request a “launch reminder” about the book, and you’ll receive all the information to attend. If you cannot make the live event, you can download the audio at your convenience.
To find out how to buy Luis’s book and receive these gifts,
including the FREE pass to the 3-day online telesummit, go to
When Vrinda Pendred (nee Barker) was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome at age 7, the doctor failed to notice she had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) as well, despite OCD symptoms being a huge part of why her parents had brought her to the doctor in the first place. Even when she was finally diagnosed with OCD at almost 14, Vrinda had no comprehension of how complex and wide-ranging the disorder was, even within herself. Only as an adult did she finally start to understand just how deeply OCD affected her life, mentally, physically, emotionally and socially.
Vrinda’s story is not at all unique. In fact, if there is anything rare about it, it’s that she was diagnosed as young as age 13. Some people don’t discover there’s a name for their intrusive thoughts and compulsive behaviour until mid-life. Others are never diagnosed throughout their entire lives, their ‘quirkiness’ remaining a mystery both to themselves and to the people in their lives. We can only imagine the suffering they’ve experienced, struggling through homelife, school and work, feeling misunderstood by teachers, parents, friends and colleagues.
And it’s not just the people who have OCD who are suffering. Think of the frustration and heartache felt by millions of teachers and parents around the world, who watch their students or children struggling with OCD (often undiagnosed), but cannot understand what is happening because these children are too young to express what is going on inside their heads. The sense of helplessness, and even guilt, can be enormous, as they simply do not know what to do to help an OCD child, and are at a total loss as to how to manage or respond to the unusual behaviour and destructive anxieties.
And what is most poignant is the thought that all of this could be avoided – and even treated – if there were more education about the many facets that make up OCD.
And that is what Vrinda Pendred has set out to do. Now 27 years old, and a mother herself, she has merged her two most passionate callings in life: 1) writing and 2) educating the world about neurological conditions, such as OCD. Vrinda has created a unique publishing company called Conditional Publications, whose primary aim is to help push forward this education, by devoting its catalogue to publishing the works of writers with neurological conditions, thus giving a voice to the real experts on these mysterious disorders.
Put together by 20 writers and artists from around the world, all who have OCD, Check Matesshowcases a range of emotions, from love to hate, joy to rage, fear and sorrow to hope and optimism. There’s even a little bit of humour. What it doesn’t do is shy away from the truth. Every angle is covered, no matter how painful, which makes for a startling and moving read.
If you are wondering why I am so empassioned by Vrinda’s story it’s this: Vrinda is my own daughter, and I personally know what she has gone through to reach this remarkable achievment. I also know what I, as a mother, have felt watching her grow up. And lastly, my father had undiagnosed OCD, and it is only through Vrinda that I have come to understand much of the pain and confusion from my childhood.
On this Day-After-Mothers’-Day, I could not be more proud of my daughter than I feel today.
Whether you’re a parent or teacher of a child dealing with OCD, a therapist or coach of OCD clients, or you have OCD yourself, everyone will find something in this book that speaks to them.
And if you don’t think you know anyone with OCD, have a look around. I think you’ll be surprised (if not shocked) at how many people have it, but are hiding in silence and isolation. This book will open up your eyes, your mind and your heart, and will bring a long overdue healing for many.
And, true to her principles, Vrinda will be donating a portion of the proceeds from the sale of every copy of Check Matesto OCD charities, to encourage research and treatment for the condition.
AND… In addition to my gift, there are over 30 other wonderful gifts being offered by mind-body-spirit teachers, authors, coaches and healers from around the planet when you purchase the book on May 11th.
To find out how you can buy this book on May 11th
and receive over 30 other gifts, just click HERE
I hope you will join me in celebrating the launch of this unique book, Check Mates, the first ever collection of fiction, poetry and artwork about OCD.
It might sound like a surprising thing to say, but Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder affects pretty much everyone. Maybe you have it yourself. Or perhaps your partner has it, or your sibling, or an old childhood friend, or maybe your next-door neighbour. You might not even be aware of it, but the chances are high that you know someone who is obsessive-compulsive.
In recent years, OCD has become more publicly discussed, with celebrities coming forward and admitting they are afflicted by the condition. Yet when David Beckham went public with his diagnosis, much of the world made jokes and laughed. There was little consideration for his lifelong struggle with his own mind, or the difficulties it might pose for his family. There was even less acknowledgment that most people are at least a little obsessive-compulsive themselves.
Check Mates, edited by Vrinda Pendred, is the first ever collection of fiction, poetry and artwork about OCD, by people with OCD – the real experts on the subject. It also marks the launch of Conditional Publications, the only dedicated publishing house for writers with any kind of neurological condition.
Divided between ‘Realism’ and the ‘Beyond’, this book drives the absurdity and horror of OCD straight home. It has been put together by writers and artists from around the world, and showcases a wide range of emotions, from love to hate, joy to rage, fear and sorrow to hope and optimism. There’s even a little bit of humour! I think everyone will find something to relate to.
What it doesn’t do is shy away from the truth. Every angle is covered, no matter how painful, which makes for a startling and moving read.
If you have OCD, you’re going to find yourself in this book and realise you’re definitely not alone. If you don’t have OCD…you’re probably going to find a little of yourself anyway, because that’s what this book does: it forces us to look at our own neuroses. I think this book is set to crack wide open a few stereotypes that have been flying around for far too long.
And what makes this book even more special, is that a portion of the proceeds from the sale of every single copy of Check Mates will be donated to OCD charities.
AND … Vrinda Pendred, editor and co-author of Check Mates, anda genuine artist of surreal fiction, is giving away an EXTRA special gift of her own: ‘The Passenger’, an unpublished short story about Tourette Syndrome. And yes, Vrinda herself has Tourette Syndrome, OCD and other neurological conditions.
AND… would it be just TOO unprofessional of me to mention that the lovely and talented Vrinda happens to be my very own daughter? I am more than just a little bit proud of what she is doing, and I have to say this book is absolutely gripping. Very impactful, it touches me on just so many levels.
To find out how you can buy this book on May 11th, claim your free copy of ‘The Passenger’, and receive over 30 other gifts, just click HERE
I hope you will join me in celebrating the launch of this unique book, Check Mates, the first ever collection of fiction, poetry and artwork about OCD.
Be sure to sign up for a “launch reminder”, and then mark your diary for May 11th!
Any of you who have either worked with me or read my book The Garden of the Soul know that I believe every human being is a born hero. However, all too few of us step into our hero’s calling. For some of us, it is simply because we don’t understand the call when we hear it. But for many others it is because we resist the call we are hearing. And when we continually resist our own call, we cannot feel truly fulfilled in life. We get a sense that our lives are put “on hold” as we wait for the “some day” when our “big break” will arrive that will turn our lives around.
But all too often, “some day” and the “big break” don’t come. This isn’t because we are unlucky or have “bad karma.” It’s because we are looking in the wrong direction to find the solutions to our lack of fulfilment. After going through my own transformations in life, teaching thousands of students over the years, working with hundreds of coaching clients and interviewing dozens of fascinating people on my radio show, I have learned one thing: Continue Reading…
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts Barbara Techel, author, publisher, educator, advocate for dogs with disc disease and therapy dog team volunteer. Barbara Techel began a journey five years ago that she never intended to travel. After her beloved Dachshund, Frankie, was diagnosed with disc disease that caused paralysis, she thoug […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts empath coach, metaphysical teacher, spiritual author and host of 'We Are One in Spirit' Podcast, Yvonne Perry. For many years, Yvonne Perry’s empathic abilities caused great distress until she learned how to protect her auric field. Her best-selling book, 'Whose Stuff Is This? Fin […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts spiritual author, minister, blessing giver and empowerment coach, Charlene M. Proctor , Ph.D. Charlene M. Proctor, Ph.D. is an ordained Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking and a Deeksha facilitator trained by the oneness guides from Fiji and India. She is the bestselling author of 'Let Your G […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts author, spiritual educator, organizational psychologist, leadership development consultant, executive and life coach Sarah Rozenthuler. As a young woman, Sarah has struggled to talk with people, including loved ones, at key moments in her life. Because of this, she was always been interested in […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts author, revolutionary spiritual teacher and healer, Barbra White. From the age of twelve, Barbra White began hearing spirits, angels and even God. In her youth, she didn't understand what was happening, which caused her anger and unhappiness. When she grew up, Barbra devoted her life to hel […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts author, revolutionary spiritual teacher and healer, Barbra White. From the age of twelve, Barbra White began hearing spirits, angels and even God. In her youth, she didn't understand what was happening, which caused her anger and unhappiness. When she grew up, Barbra devoted her life to hel […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts Author, peace activist, Iraq war veteran, Paul Chappell. The son of a half-black and half-white father and a Korean mother, Paul Chappell grew up in Alabama. His father had been in the military, and had served in both Korea and Vietnam. Coming from this background, Paul was surrounded with viole […]
Bestselling author, coach and book marketer Lynn Serafinn hosts physician, spiritual author and teacher, Karen Wyatt MD. Dr. Karen Wyatt first became involved in hospice work when she was recovering from the grief of her father’s death from suicide. What she discovered from working with dying patients was not only the means for healing her own grief, but als […]
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I met Marianne in London in June 2002. She had come to attend an event I had helped to organise at the now-defunct Borders Books on Oxford Street. The event was a talk given by my then Indian guru from Calcutta, accompanied by music and chanting led by a party of temple musicians.
Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day 7 of the Virtual Blog Tour of Hay House author Dr Roy Martina, whose book Emotional Balan6ce: the path to inner peace and harmony comes to Amazon on Tuesday March 15, 2011.
When you visit the page at the link above and request a “launch reminder”, you will automatically receive a FREE pass to Roy’s 4-day “Emotional Balance Telesummit” with a line up of 10 TOP international experts on the topic of emotional healing and inner balance. You can listen to the telesummit online in the comfort of your own home, and even ask questions during the broadcast. This is a completely free “no purchase necessary” gift from Roy, to celebrate the release of the new Hay House publication of his book.
On Lynn Serafinn’s Garden of the Soul
Today I have the great pleasure of being the host on Day number 5 of the Virtual Blog Tour for Memory in the Cells by author Luis Angel Diaz.
Lynn: I heard you say once that “Self betrayal is a cultural habit”. Can you explain what you mean by that and give some examples?
Divided between ‘Realism’ and the ‘Beyond’, this book drives the absurdity and horror of OCD straight home. It has been put together by writers and artists from around the world, and showcases a wide range of emotions, from love to hate, joy to rage, fear and sorrow to hope and optimism. There’s even a little bit of humour! I think everyone will find something to relate to.
Any of you who have either worked with me or read my book The Garden of the Soul know that I believe every human being is a born hero. However, all too few of us step into our hero’s calling. For some of us, it is simply because we don’t understand the call when we hear it. But for many others it is because we resist the call we are hearing. And when we continually resist our own call, we cannot feel truly fulfilled in life. We get a sense that our lives are put “on hold” as we wait for the “some day” when our “big break” will arrive that will turn our lives around.
