Every Day is Halloween – what does your costume say about you?
As a child growing up in the 50s and 60s in the US, I loved Halloween. Apart from the fun of dressing up and going out for trick-or-treat, it was also my father’s birthday (he would have been 90 years old today if he were still alive), so my mother always bought a really fancy bakery cake every Halloween in honour of Dad’s birthday. After many years of having the same type of cake year in and year out—orange and chocolate layer cakes smothered with sugar jack-o-lanterns, black cats and witches—he finally rebelled and asked to have a “normal” birthday cake instead. But as far as I was concerned, I loved the fun of my father’s Halloween birthday cakes every year.
Apart from being the one day of the year where parents surrender all attempts to keep their children on a healthy diet, Halloween is also the day where we, both children and adults, get to dress up and make believe we are someone or something else for a day. What we choose could be our alter ego, our wildest fantasy or our scariest nightmare. I believe we can often learn a lot about ourselves by looking back at what we wanted to be on Halloween when we were children.
What do our Halloween costumes reveal?
I remember the very first Halloween outfit that I selected for myself when I was about 4 years old. 
My mother took me to the shop to look at costumes. She suggested a very pretty “Fairy Princess” costume, which was a long pastel pink and white dress with lace and ruffles, accessorised with a sparkly crown. While I liked the sparkly crown, the frilliness and the colour of the dress didn’t appeal to me. Instead, I opted for the “Gypsy Princess” costume. The colours were vivid—strips of emerald green, rich magenta, bright gold and deep purple fabric layered atop a flowing black taffeta skirt. The top was a white peasant blouse and instead of a crown, it had a brightly printed headscarf and big dangly “jewellery”. It was not at all “frilly”, and seemed exotic to me. I loved to dance and spin around and around in it, watching the skirt fly in billowy circles around me.
So, fifty years on, what can I understand about myself when I look back at this? I can see that even from a very early age I was showing my natural inclination towards the arty and bohemian side of life. And years later, I indeed would become a musician and a writer, with a tendency to move from place to place every few years (my father always called me a gypsy). While I do consider myself to be extremely feminine, I was never what you would call a “girlie girl”, and to this day I simply cannot wear pastels!
What were some of the Halloween (or other fancy dress) costumes you chose for yourself when you were a child? Don’t worry if they were scary ghosts or monsters. Maybe these characters were helping you express your natural sense of humour and fun, or maybe they were expressions of your inner courage in the face of fear. Maybe your costume expressed a hidden side of you that was not able to express itself any other way. Or maybe, your mom or dad picked out your costume for you and it didn’t express you at all! Even if that was the case, it can tell us a lot about the history of our self-expression.
What can our childhood make-believe tells us about ourselves?
Halloween is not the only time we make believe as children, of course. How many of us had favourite characters we pretended to be when we played either alone or with others? In my book The Garden of the Soul, I share one of my make-believe characters—a talking parrot named Polly who was the navigator of a space ship, taking human beings on journeys through the Milky Way. In other games, we would sometimes play “school” and I would be the teacher. Other times, we played “church” and I would be the priest. So what else can I learn about my natural personality from my childhood make-believe? Looking back, I can see that I was expressing my natural eccentricity (I was a parrot and not a human being!) and my love for exploration. I could see I was becoming the navigator—the one who would lead others to new things. I was revealing my inclination towards being an explorer, a traveller, a teacher and even a spiritual guide. There is so much we can learn about ourselves when we look back at how we played as children.
Take a moment to think back to your own childhood. What “make-believe” characters and personalities did you naturally step into? To what degree were they expressions of who you really were inside, or who you wished (or knew) you would become? What did these characters say about you at your core? What values or qualities did these characters reveal about you? Were you a super hero fighting for justice? A spy who loved risk and intrigue? A time traveller fascinated by the past or the future? A space traveller curious about what makes the Universe tick? A pirate seeking adventure or treasure? A mommy or daddy expressing family values and love?
The roles we play as adults
As children, making believe is an important tool to help us discover, explore and express who we are. But unfortunately, when many of us grow up, we continue to take on “costumes” and “masks” in our in our family, social group or work environment that, rather than express who we are, limit our authentic expression and natural personality. We take on “roles” where we “play” a certain part in our daily dramas. Examples of roles might be “the good girl”, “the wounded one”, “the sensible one” or “the peace maker”. And there are so many more besides these. Just like putting on a Halloween costume or making believe, when we step into these roles, we “become” them, and often find ourselves restricted and frustrated as a result. For instance, if you have taken on the role of the “peace maker” in your family or your workplace, you might find yourself without a voice, as you are continually trying to balance the imbalances of others around you. The irony is that you yourself might never feel peaceful, and your efforts might actually create more unrest and lack of connection in your environment. If you take on the role of “the wounded one”, you might find it difficult to become independent because you might come to believe that you need the continual support of other people or things in order to feel safe. The irony of course is that this neediness can in fact end up pushing away the very support you believe you need, only reinforcing your feelings of being “wounded”.
When we put on a Halloween costume or making believe, we know we are “playing”. But unfortunately, many of us are unaware of the roles we play as adults. We intuitively sense that something is not quite right but we cannot put our finger on it. Our roles can be difficult to recognise if we have been stuck in them since childhood and we don’t know any differently. One of the first things I help clients see when they come to me for coaching are these unconscious roles or scripts they might be playing our in their heads, that are making their lives unfulfilling in one way or another. Somewhat playfully, I call these roles and scripts “monsters”, and I teach clients how to recognise and shift the monsters both in one-to-one coaching and in my course “Making Friends with the Monsters Under Your Bed”. The good news is that over time, it is possible to become conscious of the unconscious roles we play; and as we bring them into our awareness, we can move away from feeling trapped by them, and towards being able to choose whether or not we wish to continue wearing these “costumes” if we feel they are not serving our greater good.
Taking off the masks
People sometimes ask what I mean by the term “personal transformation”. Basically it simply means bringing what was once in the darkness (unconscious and unaware) into the light (conscious and aware). When we bring our shadow into the light of awareness, we step into the person we really are, and cease playing roles that do not reflect the light of our inner Self.
While personal transformation is essential for our Self actualisation and ultimate happiness, it does come with a caveat. It is important to understand that if our role is something we tend to “default” to in our family, social or work situations, chances are many other members in that scenario are also playing their own roles, without awareness of the fact they are doing so. And if you suddenly become aware and step out of your “assigned” role, it can really rock the boat! Imagine that everyone in your life is on stage in a play. You have a part to play and you have played it for years. Then suddenly, you start reading the lines of the hero, when you are “supposed” to be playing the villain, or the servant or the milkman. Of course, the whole cast would become confused wondering who they are supposed to “play” now. All hell would break loose on stage!
When you decide to take off your mask in life, a similar scenario might take place if the people around you are not at a similar level of conscious evolution as you are. In other words, your shifting away from your previously unconscious, disempowering roles can frequently confuse and even anger your family, friends and work colleagues. With time, most will adjust, but occasionally people cannot or will not adjust to the new “you” (which is actually the “true you”) and you might actually “lose” people along the way, or at the very least be the recipient of their judgments and criticism. While this is a necessary risk we must take in the name of finding fulfilment, the thought of the ramifications of that risk can sometimes be really scary. For many of us, lack of awareness coupled by the fear of losing money, job, friends or family are the primary reasons why we stay stuck playing the roles we privately hate the most.
Transformation takes self-awareness, courage and self-honesty. But even more, it takes self-love and commitment to your own wellbeing. In order to step out of the costumes that do not reflect who you really are, you must be willing to remain steadfast in your commitment to your own happiness during the process of transition, even if it means risking a period of unsettledness in your relationships or lifestyle. This risk is essential before you can step into your true “costume”—where you are the hero of your own life.
Stepping into your superhero costume
Those of you who follow my work know that it is my firm belief that every human being is born the “hero” of his/her own life. And it is my belief that when you finally step into your Authentic Self, whatever that might be, you become a genuine superhero, and that this “costume” is the only one that is meant for you.
How do you know you have finally stepped into your superhero costume? It has nothing to do with saving the world or leaping over tall buildings. When you feel inwardly empowered, natural and free, you are the superhero. When you genuinely feel seen and heard, you are the superhero. When you feel connected to Self, other and the Universe, you are the superhero. When you are smiling and having FUN, you are the superhero.
In short, when you know you are being YOU, you are the superhero. And as you know, a real superhero is capable of great things.
Every day, I express my gratitude for being able to live a life that is in alignment with the person I know I was born to be. I have finally thrown away the countless costumes of the past that did not serve me, and I now wear one costume—the ME costume! And you know what? The “ME” costume still contains elements of that bold, colourful, dancing Gypsy Princess and the Polly the Space Navigator Parrot. In all I do, I express that same freedom and creativity that I knew was my Authentic Self when I was a child. But of course the “ME costume is so much greater than that. And make no mistake—your “YOU” costume is truly a coat of unlimited colours.
So this Halloween, as you don your holiday costume, or next week when you return to work, and step into your default role at your job, ask yourself how well these costumes express your innermost being. And if the answer is “Not very well”, perhaps it is time to explore a different fancy dress shop, and try on some new costumes for a change. But if the answer is “Yes, completely!” you just might be living the life of a superhero.
May you step into your YOU costume, and your every day be Halloween, filled with treats.
Lynn Serafinn
31 Oct 2009
P.S.: The title of this article is taken from one of my FAVOURITE songs by Ministry, which really reflects the whole idea of what we see/show of ourselves to others. Hear the track on my Blip.FM page at: http://blip.fm/~fo6cr Have fun!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC is a transformation coach, speaker, radio host and author of the bestselling book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self.
Lynn coaches clients from all over the world via telephone. If you would like to discover and unleash your inner hero, call Lynn for a FR*EE no obligation coaching consultation at 0845 880 28 25 during normal business hours, or fill in a consultation request form at http://www.create-a-life.co.uk/free_consultation_request.html
31 Oct 2009
Every Day is Halloween
As a child growing up in the 50s and 60s in the US, I loved Halloween. Apart from the fun of dressing up and going out for trick-or-treat, it was also my father’s birthday (he would have been 90 years old today if he were still alive), so my mother always bought a really fancy bakery cake every Halloween in honour of Dad’s birthday. After many years of having the same type of cake year in and year out—orange and chocolate layer cakes smothered with sugar jack-o-lanterns, black cats and witches—he finally rebelled and asked to have a “normal” birthday cake instead. But as far as I was concerned, I loved the fun of my father’s Halloween birthday cakes every year.
Apart from being the one day of the year where parents surrender all attempts to keep their children on a healthy diet, Halloween is also the day where we, both children and adults, get to dress up and make believe we are someone or something else for a day. What we choose could be our alter ego, our wildest fantasy or our scariest nightmare. I believe we can often learn a lot about ourselves by looking back at what we wanted to be on Halloween when we were children.
What do our Halloween costumes reveal?
I remember the very first Halloween outfit that I selected for myself when I was about 4 years old. My mother took me to the shop to look at costumes. She suggested a very pretty “Fairy Princess” costume, which was a long pastel pink and white dress with lace and ruffles, accessorised with a sparkly crown. While I liked the sparkly crown, the frilliness and the colour of the dress didn’t appeal to me. Instead, I opted for the “Gypsy Princess” costume. The colours were vivid—strips of emerald green, rich magenta, bright gold and deep purple fabric layered atop a flowing black taffeta skirt. The top was a white peasant blouse and instead of a crown, it had a brightly printed headscarf and big dangly “jewellery”. It was not at all “frilly”, and seemed exotic to me. I loved to dance and spin around and around in it, watching the skirt fly in billowy circles around me.
So, fifty years on, what can I understand about myself when I look back at this? I can see that even from a very early age I was showing my natural inclination towards the arty and bohemian side of life. And years later, I indeed would become a musician and a writer, with a tendency to move from place to place every few years (my father always called me a gypsy). While I do consider myself to be extremely feminine, I was never what you would call a “girlie girl”, and to this day I simply cannot wear pastels!
What were some of the Halloween (or other fancy dress) costumes you chose for yourself when you were a child? Don’t worry if they were scary ghosts or monsters. Maybe these characters were helping you express your natural sense of humour and fun, or maybe they were expressions of your inner courage in the face of fear. Maybe your costume expressed a hidden side of you that was not able to express itself any other way. Or maybe, your mom or dad picked out your costume for you and it didn’t express you at all! Even if that was the case, it can tell us a lot about the history of our self-expression.
What can our childhood make-believe tells us about ourselves?
Halloween is not the only time we make believe as children, of course. How many of us had favourite characters we pretended to be when we played either alone or with others? In my book The Garden of the Soul, I share one of my make-believe characters—a talking parrot named Polly who was the navigator of a space ship, taking human beings on journeys through the Milky Way. In other games, we would sometimes play “school” and I would be the teacher. Other times, we played “church” and I would be the priest. So what else can I learn about my natural personality from my childhood make-believe? Looking back, I can see that I was expressing my natural eccentricity (I was a parrot and not a human being!) and my love for exploration. I could see I was becoming the navigator—the one who would lead others to new things. I was revealing my inclination towards being an explorer, a traveller, a teacher and even a spiritual guide. There is so much we can learn about ourselves when we look back at how we played as children.
Take a moment to think back to your own childhood. What “make-believe” characters and personalities did you naturally step into? To what degree were they expressions of who you really were inside, or who you wished (or knew) you would become? What did these characters say about you at your core? What values or qualities did these characters reveal about you? Were you a super hero fighting for justice? A spy who loved risk and intrigue? A time traveller fascinated by the past or the future? A space traveller curious about what makes the Universe tick? A pirate seeking adventure or treasure? A mommy or daddy expressing family values and love?
The roles we play as adults
As children, making believe is an important tool to help us discover, explore and express who we are. But unfortunately, when many of us grow up, we continue to take on “costumes” and “masks” in our in our family, social group or work environment that, rather than express who we are, limit our authentic expression and natural personality. We take on “roles” where we “play” a certain part in our daily dramas. Examples of roles might be “the good girl”, “the wounded one”, “the sensible one” or “the peace maker”. And there are so many more besides these. Just like putting on a Halloween costume or making believe, when we step into these roles, we “become” them, and often find ourselves restricted and frustrated as a result. For instance, if you have taken on the role of the “peace maker” in your family or your workplace, you might find yourself without a voice, as you are continually trying to balance the imbalances of others around you. The irony is that you yourself might never feel peaceful, and your efforts might actually create more unrest and lack of connection in your environment. If you take on the role of “the wounded one”, you might find it difficult to become independent because you might come to believe that you need the continual support of other people or things in order to feel safe. The irony of course is that this neediness can in fact end up pushing away the very support you believe you need, only reinforcing your feelings of being “wounded”.
When we put on a Halloween costume or making believe, we know we are “playing”. But unfortunately, many of us are unaware of the roles we play as adults. We intuitively sense that something is not quite right but we cannot put our finger on it. Our roles can be difficult to recognise if we have been stuck in them since childhood and we don’t know any differently. One of the first things I help clients see when they come to me for coaching are these unconscious roles or scripts they might be playing our in their heads, that are making their lives unfulfilling in one way or another. Somewhat playfully, I call these roles and scripts “monsters”, and I teach clients how to recognise and shift the monsters both in one-to-one coaching and in my course “Making Friends with the Monsters Under Your Bed”. The good news is that over time, it is possible to become conscious of the unconscious roles we play; and as we bring them into our awareness, we can move away from feeling trapped by them, and towards being able to choose whether or not we wish to continue wearing these “costumes” if we feel they are not serving our greater good.
Taking off the masks
People sometimes ask what I mean by the term “personal transformation”. Basically it simply means bringing what was once in the darkness (unconscious and unaware) into the light (conscious and aware). When we bring our shadow into the light of awareness, we step into the person we really are, and cease playing roles that do not reflect the light of our inner Self.
While personal transformation is essential for our Self actualisation and ultimate happiness, it does come with a caveat. It is important to understand that if our role is something we tend to “default” to in our family, social or work situations, chances are many other members in that scenario are also playing their own roles, without awareness of the fact they are doing so. And if you suddenly become aware and step out of your “assigned” role, it can really rock the boat! Imagine that everyone in your life is on stage in a play. You have a part to play and you have played it for years. Then suddenly, you start reading the lines of the hero, when you are “supposed” to be playing the villain, or the servant or the milkman. Of course, the whole cast would become confused wondering who they are supposed to “play” now. All hell would break loose on stage!
When you decide to take off your mask in life, a similar scenario might take place if the people around you are not at a similar level of conscious evolution as you are. In other words, your shifting away from your previously unconscious, disempowering roles can frequently confuse and even anger your family, friends and work colleagues. With time, most will adjust, but occasionally people cannot or will not adjust to the new “you” (which is actually the “true you”) and you might actually “lose” people along the way, or at the very least be the recipient of their judgments and criticism. While this is a necessary risk we must take in the name of finding fulfilment, the thought of the ramifications of that risk can sometimes be really scary. For many of us, lack of awareness coupled by the fear of losing money, job, friends or family are the primary reasons why we stay stuck playing the roles we privately hate the most.
Transformation takes self-awareness, courage and self-honesty. But even more, it takes self-love and commitment to your own wellbeing. In order to step out of the costumes that do not reflect who you really are, you must be willing to remain steadfast in your commitment to your own happiness during the process of transition, even if it means risking a period of unsettledness in your relationships or lifestyle. This risk is essential before you can step into your true “costume”—where you are the hero of your own life.
Stepping into your superhero costume
Those of you who follow my work know that it is my firm belief that every human being is born the “hero” of his/her own life. And it is my belief that when you finally step into your Authentic Self, whatever that might be, you become a genuine superhero, and that this “costume” is the only one that is meant for you.
How do you know you have finally stepped into your superhero costume? It has nothing to do with saving the world or leaping over tall buildings. When you feel inwardly empowered, natural and free, you are the superhero. When you genuinely feel seen and heard, you are the superhero. When you feel connected to Self, other and the Universe, you are the superhero. When you are smiling and having FUN, you are the superhero.
In short, when you know you are being YOU, you are the superhero. And as you know, a real superhero is capable of great things.
Every day, I express my gratitude for being able to live a life that is in alignment with the person I know I was born to be. I have finally thrown away the countless costumes of the past that did not serve me, and I now wear one costume—the ME costume! And you know what? The “ME” costume still contains elements of that bold, colourful, dancing Gypsy Princess and the Polly the Space Navigator Parrot. In all I do, I express that same freedom and creativity that I knew was my Authentic Self when I was a child. But of course the “ME costume is so much greater than that. And make no mistake—your “YOU” costume is truly a coat of unlimited colours.
So this Halloween, as you don your holiday costume, or next week when you return to work, and step into your default role at your job, ask yourself how well these costumes express your innermost being. And if the answer is “Not very well”, perhaps it is time to explore a different fancy dress shop, and try on some new costumes for a change. But if the answer is “Yes, completely!” you just might be living the life of a superhero.
May you step into your YOU costume, and your every day be Halloween, filled with treats.
Lynn Serafinn, MAED, CPCC is a transformation coach, speaker, radio host and author of the bestselling book The Garden of the Soul: lessons from four flowers that unearth the Self. Lynn coaches clients from all over the world via telephone.
If you would like to discover and unleash your inner hero, call Lynn for a free no obligation coaching consultation at 0845 880 28 25 during normal business hours, or fill in a consultation request form at www.create-a-life.co.uk/consultation_request.html.
Tags: Awareness, Coaching, ENJOY, fun, hero, Learn, Lynn Serafinn, Music, personal transformation
